Sharing My Story on “Spit & Sparkles”
I had the honor of guest blogging about losing Zachary and life after loss on the fabulous parent blog, Spit & Sparkles. The blog is about Steffany and Derrick and their long anticipated children – twins! As I have said over and over in my posts, the strength of families finding healing is through connecting and sharing with each other. Sadly, there are a lot of us and I hope my story can encourage the Spit & Sparkles readers. If you would like to read my guest blog post, please click here. Read other posts by visiting:...
Read MoreA Belated Father’s Day Wish
I couldn’t post on Father’s Day. I wanted to but found myself stumped. It’s tough to write about male grief when it is so different from my own experience. I have given up trying to understand my husband’s response to our son’s death. It may never click with me – and that’s okay. Men and women grieve so differently on top of the fact that every individual person will have a different experience and need support in a way that is unique to them. What I do know for sure is that marriage is difficult after the loss of a child. For some, it brings them closer, for others it tears them apart. Recently I met an older woman who has also lost a child. (Sometimes I feel like I am a magnet for people like me, but then I realize that there are simply are a lot of us. A sad...
Read MoreThe Mourning Grandparent
Not long ago I received an emotional yet illuminating email from a grandmother in mourning. She read my blog and felt compelled to get in touch. This woman shared the story of how her son and daughter-in-law came to discover complications with their unborn child and that the baby was eventually stillborn. “This baby was to be my first grandchild,” the woman wrote. The email brought me to tears as I reflected upon not only the sadness of this woman but also on what my own parents may be feeling. Kindly, this woman agreed that I could share one of her thoughts with you today. She wrote about the loss of a child: “People don’t always realize that the loss is also traumatic for the potential grandparents – we deal not only with the loss of the baby, our...
Read MoreDon’t Play the Shame Game
One summer day, back in 2010, I was visiting friends out in the country. Our kids played in the backyard while my two girlfriends and I sipped lemonade in the shade, talking about motherhood. My friend Liz had two kids, Sarah had three, one a newborn that slept in her lap, and I had Hannah. I was also pregnant with Zachary at the time. “I’m totally done,” said Liz, “Two is enough for me.” “I don’t know,” Sarah pondered, stroking the head of her tiny baby. “I could see myself having one more.” We talked as women in control. We controlled when we got pregnant, how we would deliver, and how many kids we would have. Control… We talked about how easy it was for us all to get pregnant, and thankfully had no complications. I felt so proud at that time, on top of the...
Read MoreIt’s Better To Love
There are a lot of hoops to jump through when you go to school out of the country. As a Canadian about to start grad school in the States, I feel bogged down by paperwork. Some of that includes a health form regarding my immunization history. That is how I found myself in a health clinic today, realizing that I needed one more shot to be completely vaccinated. I’ve always loathed needles. Since I was small the very sight of them has brought out in me pitiful sobs and I begin to sweat, grow tense, wriggle and fidget. Today, the nurse commented on how well I did considering my phobia. I told her it’s due to the thousands (more like hundreds) of needles I had to endure leading up to and following Zachary’s birth and death, and in the nine months of genetics testing...
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