A Happy Place to Heal

A Happy Place to Heal

What is your happy place?   I always look forward to the summer. The heat and sunshine are healing for me. Nature is awakened around me, engaging every sense. Laying in the grass. Reading in the shade. The smell of flowers. The warmth of the afternoon sun. The taste of fruit, barbeque and cold drinks. The sound of bees buzzing. The vividness of greens and blues.   Some people have a location. For me, above all else the summer season is my happy place.     It is a season that reminds me of many good times and happiness as my first rainbow baby was born at the summer solstice in 2012. When times are rough, I need the summer heat. After Zach died, Aaron, Hannah and I traveled to Hawaii. Our savings suffered – and our grief traveled along with us – but it...

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Sharing Family Stories

Sharing Family Stories

Sharing Family Stories of Loss and Love… on Wanted, Chosen, Planned Sharing stories is so important. We live in a culture that gobbles up well-told stories – from novels to comics to movies and theatre. Stories are not only at the heart of our culture but also of our families. We share generational recipes, the history of our ancestry and time honoured traditions. So why is it hard for us as a society to talk about our losses? Being open and vulnerable with our feelings around love and loss can be incredibly healing. Bottling up emotions can lead to stress and the breakdown of communication. Authentic communication, from the heart, can be a comfort to the isolation of grief. Plus, our children matter, both those with us and those that live on in spirit....

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Please Support Expecting Sunshine

Please Support Expecting Sunshine

I haven’t posted in what feels like ages. There is a very good reason for this. Two words: EXPECTING SUNSHINE This is my documentary film about having a baby after losing a baby. It is my passion project right now, connecting my art, writing, and love for supporting others – all into one. Expecting Sunshine is an important film. It will raise awareness and hopefully help to break the taboo around the loss of a child. It will also bring to light how challenging it is to have a baby after these types of deaths. This topic is not addressed enough.   Have you had a child after you lost a child? What was your experience like?  Maybe you are pregnant after the death of your baby. How are you coping?   In a project with such a huge scope as Expecting...

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Encouraging Test Results

Encouraging Test Results

ENCOURAGING RESULTS: Since I shared my “Struggling & How to Help” post a few weeks ago, I have received a few encouraging test results. I have had a lot of people ask if I have had any news, so I am sharing it here. It can be easier to write it out for all to read, opposed to answering the same questions over and over. The test results came back to me staggered. The first result was a little ray of hope in the darkness which felt like déjà vu. The second test result was a little more sunshine for my soul – but not total relief. Still, I feel encouraged moving forward.   WHERE I’M AT: I have told a few people about these results and have had some of those individuals sigh and say things like, “I’m so glad everything is okay,” and “thank goodness it was...

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Struggling & How to Help

Struggling & How to Help

Having a baby after losing a baby is hard. Then you add a complication to the pregnancy and everything spirals. To be honest, I am struggling right now.   What has happened in the last five days: I had my 20 week ultrasound last Tuesday. That night, our doctor called and said there may be something wrong with my baby’s heart and that it could be an indicator of a larger problem. I was making dinner at the time. The torrent of emotions nearly knocked me off my feet. I wept so hard both nostrils started bleeding. There was blood on my clothing and on my three-year-old son who ran to comfort me. Though I was making a new recipe that night, both Aaron and I lost our appetites after the call. At the same time, our instinctual coping mechanisms kicked-in. All I wanted...

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