Out of Sight but Not Out of Mind
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It makes me think of all the little household projects I want to do but haven’t gotten around to since the supplies are tucked neatly away. Whenever I open our laundry room cupboard I see the paint to touch up our scratched table and think, ‘Oh ya, I forgot about that!’ but once the door is closed once more I forget about the paint all over again. Out of sight, out of mind. This phrase bothers me when I think about Zachary. He is not with me, he is not physically in sight but that does not mean he is ever far from my mind. I think about my son every day. For me, my child is out of sight but not out of mind. One blessing of having other children is being able to look at them and see my son. Hannah...
Read MoreWalk to Remember Speech by Alexis Marie Chute
Walk to Remember took place today and I am so thankful that I was asked to share words of encouragement with those who gathered. Here is my speech. I hope it touched those who attended the Walk but can also live on to encourage others who read it here on my blog. Love to you all. Walk to Remember 2012 – Children Remain in the Heart Hello, my name is Alexis Marie Chute. Thank you for the honor of speaking to you today. The first time I attended Walk to Remember I was 28 weeks pregnant with my second child, Zachary. My husband and I kept to ourselves, somberly observing. After the event, a sweet young woman approached, laid a hand on my stomach and with tears in her eyes, said, “You must be so happy to be pregnant again!” “Actually,” I told her as I hugged my baby...
Read MoreMothering After the Death of a Baby
It has been almost a month since I posted “An Unnamed Stage of Fear after the Loss of a Baby” and I still do not have concrete answers about how to mother without fear. I would love it if I could post a pretty list of ten things to do to parent normally after having lost a child but thinking about it only made my brain hurt. There are no easy answers. I did, however, have a breakthrough this morning that I think can help. My newborn slept through the night last night and while many mothers would be cheering, I woke frequently and watched the clock. I resisted the urge to run into my baby’s room every few minutes to make sure he was still breathing. Instead I continuously told myself, “Eden is okay. He’s fine. It’s okay…” Then I eventually heard him! While...
Read MoreHard Advice for those Trying to Conceive
Many women who have lost a child see having another baby as the next step in their healing. While I do agree with this, I also caution women and couples not to jump too hastily into TTC (trying to conceive). Instead, I encourage spending a good quantity of time devoted to grief and healing before trying again. Our culture favors instant gratification and aims to avoid pain at all costs – but healing a broken heart is not a quick fix (a band-aid will not do the trick) or something to be avoided (we may metaphorically bleed out if not attended to). Even though the cliché saying “Time heals all wounds” makes us who have lost a child gag, there is a seed of truth to be found within that statement – although I’m sure this is not what any of us want to...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Losing a Baby: The First Month of Life
I made it through! I have now had a baby after losing a baby. To even write these words is surreal; a miracle. I spent the nine months pre-birth engaged in a labor of a different sort; I allowed myself time to grieve and process this ‘new normal.’ I intentionally searched within myself to find healing and happiness. It was not an easy road; the path bumpy and winding – yet worth every ounce of effort. I cannot imagine having had my child without this self-nurturing and reviving process. My son Eden was born a month ago and since then I have been whisked into the cycle of short days broken up by feedings and the total adjustment of every aspect of life that a newborn brings. What I focus on is my positive delivery and the good health of my child. I cannot express...
Read More