Surviving Easter After the Death of Your Baby (Plus a slight digression)
After Zachary died, I had well meaning Christian friends tell me, “Lean on God. He understands the death of a child. His son died too.” At the time I thought, okay, that’s an interesting point – but then Easter pops up every calendar year. It is a time of pastel pinks, yellows and blues, joyful children racing around on the hunt for chocolate bunnies and hidden treasures in a holiday geared for families. At least that’s the general picture of Easter in my mind but for many it is also a time to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. I know this is not a helpful rabbit trail to go down, but I’m jealous that God got his son back. After Zachary’s diagnosis I prayed and prayed; my husband fasted. We read the Bible and were hopeful that our son would live....
Read MorePut on Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others
In anticipation for a trip I took recently I employed a technique I often use when packing. Visualization. As a self confessed over packer, I have been trying to bring only that which I will actually use. In this process, as I was imagining all the things I’d need to pack for the kids on the plane, I heard these familiar words in my head: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Then POW, a realization hit me… After your child dies, your first responsibility is your own grief. Work through it, cry it out, mourn in the way that is authentic to you, read books, go on long walks, scream into a pillow, talk with a friend – whatever you need for however long feels right. Then, and only you will know when, you will be ready to support others in...
Read MoreAttend the Walk to Remember and Ways to Give
The Walk to Remember is less than three weeks away. Are you planning to attend? Walk to Remember is for anyone who has lost a child, at any stage of pregnancy or in early infancy. Of course friends and family are welcome. It is a time for celebration, remembrance and camaraderie. Life is busy – and while I think of my son Zachary daily, I cherish the Walk to Remember for its poignant message and sweet atmosphere. I attend the Walk to Remember to halt life’s rush and simply reflect, cry, and openly miss my beautiful boy. I encourage anyone sitting on the fence about attending, to come and remember with me. Registering for the event ensures your child’s name will be written on the sidewalk in chalk along the path of the walk and read aloud during the ceremony. You...
Read MoreSynchronicity in our Shared Experience
It is called synchronicity in the law of attraction; when things align and come together in an almost magical, seemingly ordained manner. Last week I read a Winnie the Pooh book to my daughter and felt sweet encouragement for the journey of navigating the emotional days following the loss of my baby Zachary. I posted last Wednesday about these amazing words that Christopher Robin spoke to Pooh, words that seemed as if they were written specifically for me. Then, as I was looking around on the Edmonton Walk to Remember website, I was thrilled to find the same quote by A. A. Milne on the home page atop sweetly drawn trees with a blue bird perched above. Coincidence? I doubt it. It seems like the universe or God or whoever/whatever is out there is trying to tell...
Read MoreAlexis Marie Chute, Speaker at Walk to Remember, Edmonton 2012
I have accepted the honor of being the keynote speaker at Walk to Remember this year, which will be held in Edmonton at the end of September. When I got the call from one of the organizers asking me to speak, my first reaction was one of overwhelming gratitude and humility. Walk to Remember has played an important role in my life since I lost my son and even prior. My first time attending, back in 2010, I was only two weeks shy of losing Zachary. I was 28 weeks pregnant and round, carrying my ever present grief very physically within me. My husband and I knew what was coming for our son; it was only a matter of time. A beautiful yet sad women approached me and said, “You must be so happy to be pregnant again,” as she lay a longing hand on my stomach. “Actually,”...
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