Mark your calendar: International Bereaved Mother’s Day, May 4, 2014
Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration but for some it is a day of lament. When you baby has died, Mother’s Day can be an ache in your heart that refuses to abate. I feel it. It is the longing, the irrational search, the hope against all certainty. The love of a bereaved mother for her lost child will never fade nor be forgotten. It is this love that is unconquerable and lingers because of its strength. Bereaved Mother’s Day honours the women who are still mothers – even if their child or children are not with them. No matter how early you lost your child or the form of that loss, you are still a mother. Please believe these words. Do not think little of yourself, please do not blame yourself. International Bereaved Mother’s Day takes place on Sunday, May 4,...
Read MoreKeepsakes of our Loss
Before Zachary died, Aaron and I went to the funeral home that would be performing Zach’s cremation. We walked through a large room filled with wooden caskets. The sight made me nauseous; literally sick to my stomach. I kept my eyes on the floor, Aaron guiding me. We passed through that room into a tiny, closet-like space. There, on a low shelf, was a tiny collection of urns – for children. Regular urns, for adults, are similar to the average flower vase in size, whereas for children, their bones being much smaller, the urns are petite. I remember weeping, furious I would have to make such a decision as the container for my child. There were urns that looked like miniature versions of the adult containers but these felt so cold and impersonal. Aaron and I chose a...
Read MoreEaster Reflections: Finding Faith, Losing Faith
It’s interesting how the loss of a child affects each individual so differently. From the way that people talk about their child and the loss, to how they grieve and respond to others, there is nothing cookie cutter about this experience. With Easter a week away, I’m thinking about colorful eggs, bunnies – and faith. I once met with a woman over coffee whose baby had died and in sharing her story with me she spoke of how the loss brought her closer to God. She was a Christian before her child passed away, and in the aftermath she found a great deal of comfort and grace in processing her grief through her faith. There are also people who find faith for the first time after traumatic experiences. Or to the opposite extreme, lose their faith entirely. For...
Read MoreThawing of the Bereaved Soul
There is a magic that comes with the spring thaw. The snow starts to melt and little buds appear on the trees. Maybe you are like me and feel an internal blossoming as well. Spring makes me feel alive. The warmth opens my heart. Zachary died in October 2010. Following his death my city of Edmonton went into its typical cold winter and my soul along with it. I spent that season distracting myself from my grief and disguising my sorrow with the busyness of life. My heart was frozen; cold and barren like the landscape. Another time my internal world mirrored the external was when I was expecting following my loss. In my pregnancy with Eden I ripened to full term along with the colors of spring. Eden was born at the end of June 2012. With Eden’s arrival my heart...
Read MoreBaby Loss Quotes
Sometimes along the journey of loss we need a little help. Okay, that’s not totally true. Yes, help sometimes but also often, daily, minute by minute support… When no one is there to encourage you directly, here are some quotes that may help. “Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.” – Steven Curtis Chapman “It’s a happy life, but someone is missing. It’s a happy life, and someone is missing.” – Elizabeth McCracken, An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination “If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was ‘over’ it. They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breath and to live without Wade. And what I was learning is that it was never going...
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