The Mourning Grandparent
Not long ago I received an emotional yet illuminating email from a grandmother in mourning. She read my blog and felt compelled to get in touch. This woman shared the story of how her son and daughter-in-law came to discover complications with their unborn child and that the baby was eventually stillborn. “This baby was to be my first grandchild,” the woman wrote. The email brought me to tears as I reflected upon not only the sadness of this woman but also on what my own parents may be feeling. Kindly, this woman agreed that I could share one of her thoughts with you today. She wrote about the loss of a child: “People don’t always realize that the loss is also traumatic for the potential grandparents – we deal not only with the loss of the baby, our...
Read MoreYeggies Results and The True Reward
The first weekend of May saw the social networking scene of Edmonton (#yeg) come out to celebrate the Yeggies, the best of new media awards. My very own Wanted Chosen Planned was nominated in the Family and Parenting category. Yay! (Thanks everyone who nominated me!) On the night of the award ceremony I squeezed my post-3 baby body into a new dress and my husband and I hit the town. Unfortunately my blog was not chosen as the award recipient… and at first this stung a little, as to be expected. YET… On the drive home I received an email from a woman who reads my blog. She shared with me how encouraged she felt after discovering Wanted Chosen Planned and reading all the posts as she grapples with life after her own losses. Then a Facebook message...
Read MoreOut of Sight but Not Out of Mind
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It makes me think of all the little household projects I want to do but haven’t gotten around to since the supplies are tucked neatly away. Whenever I open our laundry room cupboard I see the paint to touch up our scratched table and think, ‘Oh ya, I forgot about that!’ but once the door is closed once more I forget about the paint all over again. Out of sight, out of mind. This phrase bothers me when I think about Zachary. He is not with me, he is not physically in sight but that does not mean he is ever far from my mind. I think about my son every day. For me, my child is out of sight but not out of mind. One blessing of having other children is being able to look at them and see my son. Hannah...
Read MoreDistractions? There are Pros and Cons
After Zachary died, I entered what I call “The Year of Distraction.” During that time I did everything but face my grief head on. My husband and I shopped for houses and moved within six months. I amped up my photography business and photographed as many weddings as possible, working long hours and locking myself in the office afterwards to edit. We went on an expensive vacation. Fitness because a huge focus for me and I filled up my time with exercise classes, not to mention children’s art and sport classes for my daughter. “The Year of Distraction” was a time full of life and from the outside many may have assumed that I was trudging along and handling the circumstances quite well. On the inside, however, I was avoiding the issue, avoiding grief and looking for...
Read MorePut on Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others
In anticipation for a trip I took recently I employed a technique I often use when packing. Visualization. As a self confessed over packer, I have been trying to bring only that which I will actually use. In this process, as I was imagining all the things I’d need to pack for the kids on the plane, I heard these familiar words in my head: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Then POW, a realization hit me… After your child dies, your first responsibility is your own grief. Work through it, cry it out, mourn in the way that is authentic to you, read books, go on long walks, scream into a pillow, talk with a friend – whatever you need for however long feels right. Then, and only you will know when, you will be ready to support others in...
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