Will My Family Ever Be Complete? The Decision to have a Child after Loss
Having children after the death of a child can be one of the scariest decisions and processes there is. For some, conception alone is not an easy road. For others, the stress only begins when the two pink lines appear… side-by-side with the realization that nine months is a long time to worry for the safety and health of your next child. BUT, before all these joys and worries, is the decision to have another child in the first place. I believe it is important to note that not everyone has this ability to chose – and that is a loss worth grieving in itself. The very question of whether or not to try again can cause an emotional rollercoaster. Of course the decision to have more children is influenced by many factors – yet for people who have previously lost...
Read MoreThe Ripple Effects of Loss
On the outside I look like a normal functioning person, but the ripple effects of my son’s death still startle me. Just this week, the day home woman who cares for my two living kids asked me if I was okay if she ran an errand taking her daughter and my two-year-old son Eden with her (the older kids were still in school). Her request shouldn’t have bothered me since she takes the two toddlers to music class every week – but for some reason I was petrified. Maybe it was my mood that day, but all I could picture was a car crash and my son being badly injured… Or worse. Since Zachary, I tend to imagine the unthinkable in terms of my living children’s safety. I fixated on that car trip all morning and texted the woman asking her to let me know once they were...
Read MoreHas the way you celebrate your deceased child changed over time?
Four and a half years have passed since Zachary died. I am a different person now than I once was – and so too has my family changed since our loss. We have grown – not only in number as we welcomed Eden two years ago, but we are also growing-up as our kids’ age and my husband and I pursue education and careers. In many ways I feel my grief and my need for acts of remembrance for Zachary have changed as well. Sometimes these feelings of change make me uncomfortable. Take Christmas for example. I want to remember that Zachary’s original due date was a few days before Christmas and I want to think about him as I spend time with my family over the holidays – but I don’t want to slip into the sadness of my loss amidst the happy times – not anymore. I once went...
Read MoreDo you want your deceased child’s name remembered in my book?
As many of you know, I have written a memoir called Expecting Sunshine about my experience of losing Zachary and having my next child Eden. I wrote the memoir back in 2011 and have been editing it for the last three LONG years. Crazy, I know, but I want it to be just right. Finally, as you read this, I am putting the finishing touches on the text and am excited to move forward in the next stages with my book. As I was editing just now, I had an idea! I have one scene where I am attending the Walk to Remember and am reading names along the sidewalk, looking for Zachary’s name. Currently, I have made-up names listed there – but I began to wonder if any of you would like to include your deceased child’s name. It could be a special way to commemorate your son...
Read MoreBereavement Documentaries
The Resource section of Wanted Chosen Planned is now updated with a section called Documentaries. There is tremendously important studies and research being done on stillbirth, SIDS, early infant loss, the effect of a sibling death and many other topics. I discovered this great site with documentaries based on this research and I hope you find it useful. Click here to visit the Wanted Chosen Planned Resources. Happy Friday everyone! Hugs & love ...
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