Grief Triggers (Warning: Sensitive Images for Bereaved Parents)

Triggers can be anything that make you think about your loss, struggle and grief. I have had all kinds of triggers since Zachary died and I can guess that many others have experienced these as well: The expiration date on food. The sound of your baby’s name. The hospital. The route to the hospital. Anniversaries. Babies in general. While triggers can cause our emotions to flare, I try to think about my child in those moments. In that way, triggers can be a lovely opportunity for remembrance. The challenge is when these triggers startle us so badly that we cannot cope in the moment. In those cases, the best plan is to remove ourselves from those situations and find a safe place to sit and take a few long, calming breaths. I had an over-the-top trigger experience...

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Healing Through Visual Art at The Compassionate Friends Conference

I am passionate about art and I am passionate about my family. It was an honour to bring those two loves together when I presented Healing through Visual Art a month ago at The Compassionate Friends of America National Conference in Chicago, Illinois. I started my workshop by sharing about Zachary’s life, his death, and how I discovered creativity as a way to pull myself out of the pit of grief. The conference saw thousands of bereaved parents, and some siblings too, gather together to remember, learn and share. Standing in front of nearly forty attendees of my workshop, I was honoured to open up about my experience and show my artwork made in the darkest periods of my mourning. I presented many techniques and examples of how to use art for self-expression and...

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Grieving {Guest Post}

I met Bobbi Junior at a social network marketing class I taught at Harcourt house for artists and writers in the fall of 2013. When I shared Wanted Chosen Planned as an example of my blogging efforts, Bobbi realized that she and I had something in common; early infant loss. I was intrigued to hear Bobbi’s perspective on the death of her child since she has many more years experience on this journey than me.   Thank you, Bobbi, for this blog post. I’m sure it will encourage many.      Her gravestone reads, “Wendy Lorraine Junior. Budded on earth to bloom in heaven. April 23 – 25, 1985” My husband, Rick, picked the phrase from a page of quotes provided by the funeral home. I had tried to choose, but none felt worthy of our baby girl. She was being buried in a...

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Answerless Questions after the Death of a Child

Is it a form of self-torture to ask yourself questions you’re aware have no answers? I’ve been mentally debating this lately. What is your opinion? At my daughter’s birthday party a while back one of the young guests’ parents came up to me and startled me with what he said. (Let’s call him Tim.) Tim had just been speaking with my husband Aaron and I guessed that they had been talking about Zachary. It turned out that Tim was a pediatric physician and he told me that if Zachary had lived he would have been in Tim’s care. This startled me because I had never thought about what type of post delivery care my son would have needed if he lived. At the time of the birthday party I did not let myself think about Tim’s words, busy with face painting and cake cutting, but...

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