Celebrating Sweeties Update
What I love about Celebrating Sweeties is that it is a safe place to publicly remember children that have died. It is an unfortunate reality that our culture doesn’t know what to say to bereaved parents. What is typically said when an older person dies – “At least (s)he lived a long, full life” – does not apply. I am hoping that this will change. That we can develop a supportive and compassionate vocabulary to talk miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, and all other kids of pregnancy loss and early infant loss – not to mention the death of an older or adult child as well. That is the goal of “The Healthy Grief Movement.” New Sweeties to Celebrate It is always bittersweet for me to add a new baby or older child to the...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Loss
I have not yet shared here, on Wanted Chosen Planned, that I am pregnant. Nor have I shared this news with all of my baby-loss friends and colleagues. My intent was to be sensitive to the grief of others. I remember when I was recently bereaved. Pregnancy announcements bothered me and the sight of round bellies had me in tears. Having a baby after loss is HARD. This blog is about life after the loss of a child and that often includes family planning and subsequent pregnancies. It is an important topic, although one I am having a hard time addressing these days… I am having a hard time because my coping mechanism this go around happens to be avoidance. It is very likely I would have avoided writing about this pregnancy at all if I didn’t feel the need to be...
Read MoreThe Ripple Effects of Loss
On the outside I look like a normal functioning person, but the ripple effects of my son’s death still startle me. Just this week, the day home woman who cares for my two living kids asked me if I was okay if she ran an errand taking her daughter and my two-year-old son Eden with her (the older kids were still in school). Her request shouldn’t have bothered me since she takes the two toddlers to music class every week – but for some reason I was petrified. Maybe it was my mood that day, but all I could picture was a car crash and my son being badly injured… Or worse. Since Zachary, I tend to imagine the unthinkable in terms of my living children’s safety. I fixated on that car trip all morning and texted the woman asking her to let me know once they were...
Read MoreBereaved Parents are Survivors & Have a Story to Share
This past weekend I shared my story and offered encouragement to bereaved parents on their journey of loss. I was the keynote speaker at the first ever Baby Steps Memorial Walk. It was a beautiful event, uplifting and thoughtful. I always appreciate the opportunity to reflect on my son Zachary whom I miss so much. You can watch the video of my speech or read it below, along with some photographs of the Baby Steps event. BABY STEPS MEMORIAL WALK SPEECH COPYRIGHT ALEXIS MARIE CHUTE Hello, my name is Alexis Marie Chute and I am honored to be here for the very first Baby Steps Memorial Walk. I have three children; Hannah and Eden are here with me today. My second child, Zachary, was born at 30 weeks gestation with a rare genetic condition and a tumor around his...
Read MoreWe Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death
Since the fall, I have participated in a program called Roots of Empathy. In “Roots” I bring my son Eden to a grade two class every month of the school year and the children observe Eden grow and learn. I often talk about Eden’s older sister and our family. Since the beginning of Roots I wondered if I should tell the kids about Zachary. I hummed and hawed over this decision every month and I eventually asked the program teacher if it was appropriate, or possibly too upsetting for the young children. She said, “If you are comfortable, go for it!” When an opportunity arose, I did talk about Zachary to my Root’s kids and their reaction was touching and profoundly instructive for adults on how to address death. Unlike many adults I’ve interacted with, the kids did...
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