Let Go… or Carry on?
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” -E.M. Forester I’m inspired by this quote by E. M. Forester, I really am, but letting go has such a negative connotation for us who grieve the loss of a child. It is against our parenting instincts. We want to hold our child close. If you get in a car accident or miss a job promotion it’s easier for people to say, “Let it go, it was just a possession, it was just a job. Something better is right around the corner.” Yes, many people who have lost a child to stillbirth, miscarriage or early infant loss do go on to have other children and find happiness, but the act of “letting go” is not the same. We don’t “let go” and forget. We don’t “let go” and leave our...
Read MoreQuoting Helen Keller – Thoughts for the Journey
Helen Keller – The Inspiration The life of Helen Keller is truly a story of bravery. When she was only 18 months old she fell ill and became both blind and deaf. Her family struggled but did all they could to help their daughter. They eventually found her an educator, Anne Sullivan, who taught Helen words by spelling them on the palm of Helen’s hand. Helen learned many other ways to communicate (touch-lip reading, Braille, speech and typing), she went to college, wrote 12 books and became a social activist to improve the lives of others. What would seem an insurmountable obstacle, to be both blind and deaf, became Helen Keller’s platform for a remarkable life. Many of Helen Keller’s words can be an encouragement for us who grieve the loss of our child. Our...
Read MoreMindfulness – Alive in our Moments
When your child dies, so does your future. It’s a harsh reality but it is true in many ways. Maybe you can relate to some of the thoughts I had after my son Zachary died: We decorated the nursery… when do we take it all down? Or do we? Can we bring another child back to this room? The family dynamic I had pictured is gone and along with it my idea for vacations, activities, dinnertime table-talk. My daughter will not have a sibling close in age. I put work on hold to have kids, now what? My son won’t skin his knees bike riding, he won’t graduate college, marry or have kids of his own. Am I always going to feel this ache of my missing child? I have forgotten what makes me happy, nothing seems to do the trick, and I don’t know what the purpose of my life is...
Read MoreThe Quiet Rebuild
I have been making sculpture although I am not primarily a sculptural artist. I find the use of my hands in the tactile nature of my recent artwork very soothing. My art has been focusing on the idea that we create our understanding of the world in many ways. When my son Zachary died, my world crashed down. Like a forest burn by fire, I was brought to ash, literally. It is fitting that my artwork uses wood, both natural and manmade. I find this particular piece, “Quiet Rebuild” particularly therapeutic to look at. It reminds me of where I am at, rebuilding my life in a different time, a simpler, basic time where my expectations of the world have been brought into check. I rebuild my life and my understanding of the world from the burnt forest, atop a humble piece...
Read MoreMemorial Reflections – Death does not discriminate
Sunday was the annual city wide memorial for families who have lost children, babies passed both in the womb and shortly after birth. My husband Aaron, our daughter Hannah and I arrived about fifteen minutes before the service began. We sat with my father and his girlfriend and Aaron’s dad. At this point the chapel room in the funeral home was only a quarter full but as the service start time approached, every pew was full, people directed to sit in the overflow area on the far side of the room. Eventually, the back of the chapel was crowded with families standing; even out towards the entrance was crowded. This many people gathering together would normally be a wonderful turnout if the event were, say, a wedding, conference, or concert. While we all gathered to...
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