Quoting the wise Christopher Robin
To quote Christopher Robin: “You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin is a pretty wise kid. On the last day of summer before school was to resume, he bestowed these words upon his good friend Winnie the Pooh. He also added: “But the most important thing is, even if we are apart, I’ll always be with you.” These words came from the Disney book Pooh’s Grand Adventure, The Search for Christopher Robin by A. A. Milne. When I was reading these words aloud last night to my daughter before bed they spoke to me, almost as if they came to me alone from a little boy I imagine may share many sweet qualities with the beloved character in this story. I miss my Zachary yet try to imagine him happy, pain...
Read MoreHard Advice for those Trying to Conceive
Many women who have lost a child see having another baby as the next step in their healing. While I do agree with this, I also caution women and couples not to jump too hastily into TTC (trying to conceive). Instead, I encourage spending a good quantity of time devoted to grief and healing before trying again. Our culture favors instant gratification and aims to avoid pain at all costs – but healing a broken heart is not a quick fix (a band-aid will not do the trick) or something to be avoided (we may metaphorically bleed out if not attended to). Even though the cliché saying “Time heals all wounds” makes us who have lost a child gag, there is a seed of truth to be found within that statement – although I’m sure this is not what any of us want to...
Read MoreWomen are the Keepers of our Family Stories
I distinctly remember a group of my girlfriends standing around talking about when we thought was the best time to announce a pregnancy. One woman said she would want to wait till her and her husband got through the first trimester; another woman reminded us that she announced her pregnancy after ten weeks. I was expecting with Zachary at the time of this conversation, unknowing of what was to come, and yet offered, “I get so excited, I usually tell as soon as I find out.” I have reasons for sharing pregnancy news early, apart from my giddy excitement, I told my girlfriends. “What if something happens and you lose the baby early? If you haven’t told anyone, where do you find support?” That conversation will never be lost from me as it was not that long afterwards...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Losing a Baby: The First Month of Life
I made it through! I have now had a baby after losing a baby. To even write these words is surreal; a miracle. I spent the nine months pre-birth engaged in a labor of a different sort; I allowed myself time to grieve and process this ‘new normal.’ I intentionally searched within myself to find healing and happiness. It was not an easy road; the path bumpy and winding – yet worth every ounce of effort. I cannot imagine having had my child without this self-nurturing and reviving process. My son Eden was born a month ago and since then I have been whisked into the cycle of short days broken up by feedings and the total adjustment of every aspect of life that a newborn brings. What I focus on is my positive delivery and the good health of my child. I cannot express...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Losing a Baby – 39 Weeks
I recently made a friend who had a stillborn baby not long ago. When we first met I was worried as I was very obviously pregnant. Instead of recoiling in disappointment, which would have been a very natural reaction, my new friend told me that my pregnancy was actually an encouragement for her. The fact that a woman can go on from losing a child to having a healthy pregnancy and baby is heartening and something she hopes for herself as well. I was surprised at this graceful and optimistic perspective and thus hope I can share here on Wanted, Chosen, Planned about my current pregnancy without causing pain for anyone who reads. I am 39 weeks pregnant and I had an epiphany the other day about the length of gestation as it relates to us who have lost a child: It is a...
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