Tiny Hands
There is music in every person. Sometimes it’s a love song, sometimes it’s a lament. Sometimes I don’t know the words to the melody of my heart’s song which aches for my son, but it’s always there, beating away in my chest. I am so blessed to have a thoughtful and musically talented friend. Candace is in a band with her twin sister Karli; they call themselves Drowning Ophelia. Candace and Karli played in the gallery during my latest exhibition in an evening of art and music. It was in the second set they played: Candace was standing in front of a portrait of my husband which symbolized his grief after our loss. Then Candace surprised me. She told me and the crowd that she wrote a song for my family, a song for Zachary. Her lyrics moved me deeply and put words to...
Read MoreAn Invitation to Share your Story
When Zachary died, I felt terribly alone and like a failure as a mother. Naively I believed that babies didn’t die anymore in technologically advanced places like Canada. No one in my circle of friends and family had talked about their own experience. Sex education didn’t teach me the stats nor did my parents or my doctor warn me when I got pregnant. I was not prepared for what happened to me, though you likely can never be fully prepared. Did others feel this way? Our culture doesn’t cope with death in a healthy manner. The mindset seems to be that once the funeral is over you must pick yourself up and move on. Speaking for myself, my journey of grief didn’t really begin until after the memorial. I needed so much in that first year in particular, needs that I am...
Read MoreStillbirth Led Robert Munsch to Write Love You Forever
Have you read Robert Munsch’s book, Love You Forever? Do you know the story behind it? I’ve owned a copy of Love You Forever my whole life, but I didn’t understand the impetus behind the book until my sister-in-law sent me a message with the link to Munsch’s website. That’s where I learned that the author penned the song in Love You Forever after his wife had two stillborn babies. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” Munsch could not actually sing the song for a long time because of the strong emotions that came up when he tried. He eventually wrote the song into a book that he had intended as a children’s story but to the surprise of Munsch, and his publishers, the story appealed to people of all ages....
Read MoreWeights and Measures – The Impact of our Unseen Children
This is a speech I wrote for the Parent Care Candlelight Service on December 19. The chapel was full and I barely made it through my reflections as the love and longing for unseen children was so palpable. We are still in the midst of the holiday season with New Years on the way. I hope my words may continue to be an encouragement. Love always. The holidays are a time for togetherness, board games, gifts, and food. It is also a time for reflection. Since I am cooking my very first Christmas dinner this year, I started to reflect on food. I now have a folder full of recipes ready for the meal-of-the-year but my palms begin to sweat as I remember all the truly terrible meals I have made over the years. When the...
Read MoreObjects that Help us Remember
One of the tough parts about losing a child is the lack of physical mementos of their life. It is easy to take stock of what I have that reminds me of Zachary: A blanket One sleeper The bear the hospital gave my husband and I His newborn identification bracelet One unfinished album of photographs A velvet blue box containing the urn of my son’s ashes The cards and few gifts that we received at the memorial This collection seems small but I know very well that it is more than some people have. For some there are no objects that remind them of their child. This may be especially true for those who have an early miscarriage. I’m a collector at heart – not of the expected sort of things like stamps or records or coins. As a child I plucked rocks from beaches and...
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