Three Years of Remembering and Unexpected Surprises
Zachary’s third birthday, also the day of his death, fell over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend this year. This was timely as I have much to be thankful for regarding Zach. I am thankful for thirty weeks of kicks and the magic bond between mother and child. I am thankful for his life, however brief. I am thankful I held him alive for just a few moments. I am thankful for the strength he seemed to give me to survive. I am thankful that he has given me a passion to help others. I am thankful that I still feel him with me. It has taken me a month to write this post, not out of busyness, but because of what shocked me on the day we celebrated and remembered… We began Zachary’s birthday as we always do, with a plentiful breakfast and time as a family. My husband...
Read MoreBereaved Parents are Survivors & Have a Story to Share
This past weekend I shared my story and offered encouragement to bereaved parents on their journey of loss. I was the keynote speaker at the first ever Baby Steps Memorial Walk. It was a beautiful event, uplifting and thoughtful. I always appreciate the opportunity to reflect on my son Zachary whom I miss so much. You can watch the video of my speech or read it below, along with some photographs of the Baby Steps event. BABY STEPS MEMORIAL WALK SPEECH COPYRIGHT ALEXIS MARIE CHUTE Hello, my name is Alexis Marie Chute and I am honored to be here for the very first Baby Steps Memorial Walk. I have three children; Hannah and Eden are here with me today. My second child, Zachary, was born at 30 weeks gestation with a rare genetic condition and a tumor around his...
Read MoreJoin me at the Baby Steps Memorial Walk
Registration for the first ever Baby Steps Memorial Walk is taking place soon. If you have lost a child, this event will help you remember and celebrate their little life. I will be speaking about what it means to be a survivor and how we can keep our children alive in our hearts and the world. If you can’t make the event today (12:30pm at Festival Place and Broadmoor Lake in Sherwood Park) I will be posting my speech next week on Wanted Chosen Planned so you can still be encouraged. Click here for more information. Or visit: www.babystepswalk.com Best wishes always, Alexis Marie...
Read MoreBaby Steps Memorial Walk this Saturday
This coming Saturday, October 5, 2013 is the first annual Baby Steps Memorial Walk: “A special walk to remember all babies who have died during pregnancy or anytime after birth. Together, we will take the baby steps our little ones did not have the chance to walk.” I am very honored to be the keynote speaker for the Baby Steps Memorial Walk. I have been thinking about what I want to say for a long time; even before the event was created I had a message on my heart. I hope that everyone who comes will be encouraged on their journey of healing. Details: Saturday, October 5, 2013 Registration: 12:30pm (in the hall) Ardrossan Hall at Festival Place, Sherwood Park, Alberta Following registration, the program will take place outdoors in the park where we will walk...
Read MoreGuest Blogging on The Stars Apart
It is always fun to make friends through blogging. I discovered a kindred spirit in Lisa Sissons who writes a blog called The Stars Apart. She too has lost a child and also, coincidentally, lives in Edmonton, Alberta. Today Lisa published a guest blog post I wrote for The Stars Apart about my experience losing Zachary. It is called, “A Change of Plans.” Anyone who has lost a child will understand the loss of future and needed change of plans that this experience necessitates. As always, I hope my words can be an encouragement to readers. Grief can be a long journey but it needn’t be a lonely one. I believe we are stronger, better, smarter, happier and healthier together. Together we can get through our most trying times. Please check out The Stars Apart. You can...
Read MoreThe Walk to Remember & Creative Ways to Celebrate our Children other than Balloons
My family attended the Walk to Remember again this year in Edmonton, Alberta. As always it was a special way for us to remember and celebrate Zachary’s life. While I always enjoy the Walk to remember, after last year’s announcement of the world-wide helium shortage my hope was that all balloon-using events would become more creative in finding options other than balloons. For example, last year at the Walk we blew bubbles instead of releasing balloons. I know for myself, I love the idea of the balloon release in regards to remembering my son. It’s like a little piece of my love can float up to heaven and reach him where I cannot actually do so. It’s an abstract idea. A sweet sentiment for sure. For Hannah, who is three, she likes to think that Zachary is up in...
Read MoreRadio Silence
I have to apologize for not posting in a month. The radio silence was unintentional and I assure you I have a long list of encouraging and challenging posts stored up (coming soon). At the end of June I began my MFA (masters degree in fine art). While the focus of my studies is creative writing, my blog writing has taken a bit of a back seat to my big project on the go: my memoir. I encourage anyone who has lost a child and is struggling with grief to be creative. The arts – in all its many forms – were a huge tool I used to help along my journey of loss after Zachary died. Writing was an amazing outlet. As a part of my grad studies I am focusing on doing a first edit of my memoir. It is a huge job! The process is interesting as well because it puts...
Read MoreWalk to Remember Today in Edmonton
Today is the annual Walk to Remember in Edmonton, Alberta which celebrates young lives lost much too soon. The details: Where: Bandshell, legislative grounds, Edmonton. Noon: Picnic, bring lunch and a blanket to sit on. 1:00pm: The program will begin. 1:15: The walk will begin (approx 40 minutes). 2:00pm: Return to the bandshell for a reading of the baby names. This will be my fourth year attending the Walk to Remember. It is a gentle event that will allow you the precious pause to think about your child, grieve and move forward. If you attend, please find me and say hi! I’d love to meet...
Read MoreArt and Healing in The Quiet Rebuild
After Zachary died, I lost myself. This included ‘Alexis Marie Chute the artist.’ It wasn’t until I began to fight my way out of what I call my Year of Distraction that I rediscovered this part of myself. For the last year I have been the Artist in Residence at an Edmonton based gallery and artist run centre called Harcourt House. It is at Harcourt House that I have been creating a body of art called The Quiet Rebuild. This work centers on the idea that we humans have amazing resiliency to rebuild our lives after hardship. If you are reading this and have lost a child, you know what I mean. You are forced to move on without someone very precious to you. Even though you may scream in pain or weep away all your tears, the journey of rebuilding your life is a quiet,...
Read MoreCelebrating Life and Giving Thanks {Guest Post}
Today I share with you a guest blog post from a woman who I ‘met’ online but now call a friend. Steffany Duke writes a blog called Spit and Sparkles, The Adventures of Raising Boy/Girl Twins. I shared Zachary’s story with her readers on July 16 and now am honored to encourage my readers this week with Steffany’s journey of strength and love. We all face different challenges but I believe we can rally our courage amongst us; we are stronger together. Thank you, Steffany, for your inspiring outlook. I’m Steffany, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share my story on Wanted, Chosen, Planned Blog. Eight years ago on June 22, 2005, I was undergoing surgery to remove an ovarian tumor — a surgery that I wasn’t sure I would walk away from and still...
Read MoreGiving Grace & Understanding
I’ve had several times in my life where I have experienced truly rude and insensitive people. I’m sure anyone who has lost a child has come in contact with oblivious individuals who say things that leave a sting. Yet this phenomenon is not isolated. There was a woman who yelled at me in Michaels when I accidentally budded her in line. There was a woman who told my daughter to “shut up” when she was crying in the bathroom of an art gallery. I’m sure you could add to this list. We all need to extend grace to each other. Instead of assuming the worst, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure most people have good intentions. If we all were to live like this, I believe the world would be a much happier place. One of these ‘rude encounters’ occurred as...
Read More“Lottery of Loss” via Men Get Pregnant Too
Kenny Bodanis writes a parenting blog with the awesome name, “Men Get Pregnant Too.” I love it. Anyway, I had the awesome opportunity of guest blogging for Kenny (THANK YOU!). I wrote a post called, “The Lottery of Loss.” I figured a daddy blog would appreciate some stats and that’s what I gave them. I had a really great experience writing “Lottery of Loss,” it clicked. I talk about the stats that we want to be, the good numbers. Then there are the stats that we run from screaming. Unfortunately I became one of the unfortunate statistics when Zach died. If you are reading my blog maybe you are with me. Please visit Men Get Pregnant to and read my post. Please click here to visit “Lottery of Loss.” Read other posts by Kenny by visiting his blog:...
Read MoreSharing My Story on “Spit & Sparkles”
I had the honor of guest blogging about losing Zachary and life after loss on the fabulous parent blog, Spit & Sparkles. The blog is about Steffany and Derrick and their long anticipated children – twins! As I have said over and over in my posts, the strength of families finding healing is through connecting and sharing with each other. Sadly, there are a lot of us and I hope my story can encourage the Spit & Sparkles readers. If you would like to read my guest blog post, please click here. Read other posts by visiting:...
Read MoreA Belated Father’s Day Wish
I couldn’t post on Father’s Day. I wanted to but found myself stumped. It’s tough to write about male grief when it is so different from my own experience. I have given up trying to understand my husband’s response to our son’s death. It may never click with me – and that’s okay. Men and women grieve so differently on top of the fact that every individual person will have a different experience and need support in a way that is unique to them. What I do know for sure is that marriage is difficult after the loss of a child. For some, it brings them closer, for others it tears them apart. Recently I met an older woman who has also lost a child. (Sometimes I feel like I am a magnet for people like me, but then I realize that there are simply are a lot of us. A sad...
Read MoreHeartbreak Exhibition and Zachary’s Photo
When I heard the news that Zachary would not live, I was lost at how to process the information. As an artist I began to document the life of my family in the time leading up to Zachary’s birth, death and the months that followed. This was my way of coping, recording, sorting and searching for meaning in a time so devoid of answers. I chose to use a Holga camera to photograph that time in my life. The Holga is faulty and let’s light seep in through its cheap plastic frame. It is designed to be a toy camera that yields unexpected results. I combined the Holga with a batch of expired medium format film I had owned for almost ten years. This film traveled to New Zealand with me where my Mamiya medium format camera took its very last picture. Then the film moved back...
Read MoreThe Mourning Grandparent
Not long ago I received an emotional yet illuminating email from a grandmother in mourning. She read my blog and felt compelled to get in touch. This woman shared the story of how her son and daughter-in-law came to discover complications with their unborn child and that the baby was eventually stillborn. “This baby was to be my first grandchild,” the woman wrote. The email brought me to tears as I reflected upon not only the sadness of this woman but also on what my own parents may be feeling. Kindly, this woman agreed that I could share one of her thoughts with you today. She wrote about the loss of a child: “People don’t always realize that the loss is also traumatic for the potential grandparents – we deal not only with the loss of the baby, our...
Read MoreDon’t Play the Shame Game
One summer day, back in 2010, I was visiting friends out in the country. Our kids played in the backyard while my two girlfriends and I sipped lemonade in the shade, talking about motherhood. My friend Liz had two kids, Sarah had three, one a newborn that slept in her lap, and I had Hannah. I was also pregnant with Zachary at the time. “I’m totally done,” said Liz, “Two is enough for me.” “I don’t know,” Sarah pondered, stroking the head of her tiny baby. “I could see myself having one more.” We talked as women in control. We controlled when we got pregnant, how we would deliver, and how many kids we would have. Control… We talked about how easy it was for us all to get pregnant, and thankfully had no complications. I felt so proud at that time, on top of the...
Read MoreIt’s Better To Love
There are a lot of hoops to jump through when you go to school out of the country. As a Canadian about to start grad school in the States, I feel bogged down by paperwork. Some of that includes a health form regarding my immunization history. That is how I found myself in a health clinic today, realizing that I needed one more shot to be completely vaccinated. I’ve always loathed needles. Since I was small the very sight of them has brought out in me pitiful sobs and I begin to sweat, grow tense, wriggle and fidget. Today, the nurse commented on how well I did considering my phobia. I told her it’s due to the thousands (more like hundreds) of needles I had to endure leading up to and following Zachary’s birth and death, and in the nine months of genetics testing...
Read MoreYeggies Results and The True Reward
The first weekend of May saw the social networking scene of Edmonton (#yeg) come out to celebrate the Yeggies, the best of new media awards. My very own Wanted Chosen Planned was nominated in the Family and Parenting category. Yay! (Thanks everyone who nominated me!) On the night of the award ceremony I squeezed my post-3 baby body into a new dress and my husband and I hit the town. Unfortunately my blog was not chosen as the award recipient… and at first this stung a little, as to be expected. YET… On the drive home I received an email from a woman who reads my blog. She shared with me how encouraged she felt after discovering Wanted Chosen Planned and reading all the posts as she grapples with life after her own losses. Then a Facebook message...
Read MoreHappy Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is complicated when your child has died, especially if you have no other living children. After the loss of my precious Zachary I thought, “Who am I?” as the following year elapsed without my consent and sadness festered. Other common feelings for those whose child has passed away include: What am I? Am I still a mother? I never had the opportunity to bring my baby home, feed him or her, change diapers, teach reading and bike riding or any of the other normal things mom’s get to do… So what does Mother’s Day mean for me? When hearing the question, “Am I a mother?” without hesitation I will tell you, “Yes!” From the moment you conceived and a love for your child blossomed in your heart, I believe you were and continue to be a mother. As you...
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