Baby Loss Quotes
Sometimes along the journey of loss we need a little help. Okay, that’s not totally true. Yes, help sometimes but also often, daily, minute by minute support… When no one is there to encourage you directly, here are some quotes that may help. “Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.” – Steven Curtis Chapman “It’s a happy life, but someone is missing. It’s a happy life, and someone is missing.” – Elizabeth McCracken, An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination “If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was ‘over’ it. They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breath and to live without Wade. And what I was learning is that it was never going...
Read More“The New Normal: A Mother’s Story about Love and Loss” – Flurt Magazine
I write a monthly column for Flurt Magazine and in the spring 2014 issue I published an article called, “THE NEW NORMAL: A Mother’s Story about Love and Loss.” This is my story about losing Zachary and how his life transformed every part of my ‘normal’ existence into something altogether different. I also talk about coming to terms with the title ‘new normal’ and how Zachary gave me the greatest gift: a passion to care for and encourage others who have also experienced loss. I truly believe this journey we are all on can seem unbearable at times but in the end we are stronger together. If you would like to read my full article, you can purchase your copy on Flurt...
Read MorePraise for Wanted Chosen Planned
Hello lovely readers! I just updated Wanted Chosen Planned with a Praise! page. If you are willing+able and have enjoyed this blog, please get in touch. I welcome feedback either in the comments below this post or by email at info@alexismariechute.com. Thank you in advance! And… with all my heart, thanks for reading!
Read MoreTiny Hands
There is music in every person. Sometimes it’s a love song, sometimes it’s a lament. Sometimes I don’t know the words to the melody of my heart’s song which aches for my son, but it’s always there, beating away in my chest. I am so blessed to have a thoughtful and musically talented friend. Candace is in a band with her twin sister Karli; they call themselves Drowning Ophelia. Candace and Karli played in the gallery during my latest exhibition in an evening of art and music. It was in the second set they played: Candace was standing in front of a portrait of my husband which symbolized his grief after our loss. Then Candace surprised me. She told me and the crowd that she wrote a song for my family, a song for Zachary. Her lyrics moved me deeply and put words to...
Read MoreWanted Chosen Planned Updates
Coming back from vacation is always a time of productivity for me. I get rejuvenated and inspired with new ideas. Now, back at my desk, I have added a few new features to Wanted, Chosen, Planned. Resources This is a brand new page and I would love your help in filling in the blanks. I believe people are stronger together and so if you have a blog, a service or a resource for bereaved parents please email me (info@alexismariechute.com). Portraits of Healing For a limited time I am offering free portraits as a part of my artwork called The Quiet Rebuild, creating Portraits of Healing for exhibition and publication in a book. If you want to participate, please get in touch. I will be doing upcoming photo shoot dates across Canada and the United States. Public...
Read MoreAn Invitation to Share your Story
When Zachary died, I felt terribly alone and like a failure as a mother. Naively I believed that babies didn’t die anymore in technologically advanced places like Canada. No one in my circle of friends and family had talked about their own experience. Sex education didn’t teach me the stats nor did my parents or my doctor warn me when I got pregnant. I was not prepared for what happened to me, though you likely can never be fully prepared. Did others feel this way? Our culture doesn’t cope with death in a healthy manner. The mindset seems to be that once the funeral is over you must pick yourself up and move on. Speaking for myself, my journey of grief didn’t really begin until after the memorial. I needed so much in that first year in particular, needs that I am...
Read MoreFamily Planning After the Death of a Child
“You’ll know when you’re done.” That’s what people often say when I tell them I’m not sure if I’m finished having children. I used to be more decisive with the number of kids I wanted to have. I once wanted six. Oh boy, right? Then it was three to four. After Zachary died I was sure I wanted four living children. Now that I am thoroughly enjoying my career, and free hands as Eden is a year-and-a-half old, I wonder if two living children is enough. While my numbers fluxed over the years, in those moments I was always confident. That’s not the case these days. The trouble with family planning is that there is no magic eight ball to shake and give you the perfect answer. I find the more I talk it out with girlfriends, the more uncertain I am one way or the other....
Read MoreStillbirth Led Robert Munsch to Write Love You Forever
Have you read Robert Munsch’s book, Love You Forever? Do you know the story behind it? I’ve owned a copy of Love You Forever my whole life, but I didn’t understand the impetus behind the book until my sister-in-law sent me a message with the link to Munsch’s website. That’s where I learned that the author penned the song in Love You Forever after his wife had two stillborn babies. “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.” Munsch could not actually sing the song for a long time because of the strong emotions that came up when he tried. He eventually wrote the song into a book that he had intended as a children’s story but to the surprise of Munsch, and his publishers, the story appealed to people of all ages....
Read MoreIt’s all about Art and Healing: Conferences, Artist Talks & Exhibition
I am a passionate person and some of the things that I am passionate about include: Family Creativity Healing There are some exciting events coming up that bring together my passions and I would love to share them with you. FEBRUARY 2014 “The Quiet Rebuild” Exhibition February 1-28, 2014 – Friday, February 7, 2013, 6 – 10 p.m. Art Central, 100 – 7th Avenue S.W. Calgary, Alberta, Canada Fridays, 11 a.m. – 8 p.m. & Saturdays, 10 a.m. – 2 p.m. OR by appointment, 780-499-4311 Exhibition description: Award winning photographer Alexis Marie Chute has created a series of provocative images of individuals in their time of healing following hardship. The portraits are symbolic of the regrowth of a forest after wildfire. As new growth...
Read MoreCreativity to Ease the Pain
I have been an artist and writer all my life. Somehow I refused to let go of the child-like desire to color, paint, build block towers, write short stories and pen poetry as I grew. Working as an artist and writer have been very fulfilling for me. Then when Zachary died, I stopped. For one whole year, what I call my Year of Distraction, I couldn’t be creative nor did I even try. I lost myself in so many ways. It was when I got back into my work that I realized the amazing potential of creativity to help find a way through my grief – and this creativity is not reserved for just professional artists and writers. It’s for everyone. Creativity itself is mysterious, spiritual and healing. Creativity taps into a different part of our brains and allows us to express...
Read MoreGrieving {Guest Post}
I met Bobbi Junior at a social network marketing class I taught at Harcourt house for artists and writers in the fall of 2013. When I shared Wanted Chosen Planned as an example of my blogging efforts, Bobbi realized that she and I had something in common; early infant loss. I was intrigued to hear Bobbi’s perspective on the death of her child since she has many more years experience on this journey than me. Thank you, Bobbi, for this blog post. I’m sure it will encourage many. Her gravestone reads, “Wendy Lorraine Junior. Budded on earth to bloom in heaven. April 23 – 25, 1985” My husband, Rick, picked the phrase from a page of quotes provided by the funeral home. I had tried to choose, but none felt worthy of our baby girl. She was being buried in a...
Read MoreHome Burial by Robert Frost
When I picked up a stack of reading for my MFA graduate student residency I had no idea that one little poem could touch me so vividly. Home Burial, by Robert Frost. I read the poem for a class on dialogue in literature. Home Burial was an example of dialogue used cleverly within poetry. Once I started reading I realized that the action of the poem is the argument between a married couple. Their baby had died. The husband buried the child in a plot on what I imagine to be their family farm. The couple are grieving very differently, they are hostile towards each other, and they sometimes seem like strangers. Marriage after the loss of a baby can be strained. The tragedy can bind two hearts together or tear them apart. What I learned in class is that Robert Frost...
Read MoreNew Year’s Resolutions for the New Normal
Resolutions are tough. We envision the perfect version of ourselves and set goals of how to morph into that person. While others resolve never to make a New Year’s resolution because they know that they will most definitely break it. I happen to like resolutions. Goals fuel me. Having a purpose becomes a motivating factor for me in moving forward with my life. Some of the things I have learned about this ‘new normal,’ this life after the death of a child, in terms of making New Year’s resolutions include: Life is unpredictable and no matter our plans, we may head in an unanticipated direction. Being adaptable, flexible, and open are character traits that will serve us well. It is still better to hope and believe and make plans knowing that they may get changed or...
Read MoreWeights and Measures – The Impact of our Unseen Children
This is a speech I wrote for the Parent Care Candlelight Service on December 19. The chapel was full and I barely made it through my reflections as the love and longing for unseen children was so palpable. We are still in the midst of the holiday season with New Years on the way. I hope my words may continue to be an encouragement. Love always. The holidays are a time for togetherness, board games, gifts, and food. It is also a time for reflection. Since I am cooking my very first Christmas dinner this year, I started to reflect on food. I now have a folder full of recipes ready for the meal-of-the-year but my palms begin to sweat as I remember all the truly terrible meals I have made over the years. When the...
Read MoreRemembering your Baby over the Holidays
Christmas is one of the best times of the year – but it can also be very difficult for many people. For some the struggles are financial and practical while for others the feeling of being alone becomes tangible. If you have lost a baby, the ache for your child and the life they did not live may be forefront in your thoughts as you see other children sit on Santa’s lap at the mall or hear Christmas carols that remind you of your own childhood and all the dreams you had. At this time of year I am always reminded that Zachary was supposed to be a Christmas baby. My original due date was December 20th. How can we remember our precious children at Christmas time? Here are some ideas I am trying: Craft. I’m sewing a stocking for each of my children, Zachary...
Read MoreAnswerless Questions after the Death of a Child
Is it a form of self-torture to ask yourself questions you’re aware have no answers? I’ve been mentally debating this lately. What is your opinion? At my daughter’s birthday party a while back one of the young guests’ parents came up to me and startled me with what he said. (Let’s call him Tim.) Tim had just been speaking with my husband Aaron and I guessed that they had been talking about Zachary. It turned out that Tim was a pediatric physician and he told me that if Zachary had lived he would have been in Tim’s care. This startled me because I had never thought about what type of post delivery care my son would have needed if he lived. At the time of the birthday party I did not let myself think about Tim’s words, busy with face painting and cake cutting, but...
Read MoreHope in The Hunger Games
My husband Aaron read The Hunger Games a year ago and enjoyed the books greatly – but I was not interested. When he told me that kids battle to the death, as a woman who lost a child, I thought that the subject matter would be extremely upsetting. Why would I want to read about that or watch a child die in a movie? When school English classes began reading the books I realized that I cannot protect myself from everything. I’m sad to say that there will always be children that die in the world, though I wish I could change this, but what I do have control over is understanding my culture. As a writer I believe it’s important to be abreast of literary trends – especially ones that young people grab a hold of. With the release of the second movie, I finally...
Read MoreObjects that Help us Remember
One of the tough parts about losing a child is the lack of physical mementos of their life. It is easy to take stock of what I have that reminds me of Zachary: A blanket One sleeper The bear the hospital gave my husband and I His newborn identification bracelet One unfinished album of photographs A velvet blue box containing the urn of my son’s ashes The cards and few gifts that we received at the memorial This collection seems small but I know very well that it is more than some people have. For some there are no objects that remind them of their child. This may be especially true for those who have an early miscarriage. I’m a collector at heart – not of the expected sort of things like stamps or records or coins. As a child I plucked rocks from beaches and...
Read MoreBedtime
Tonight, my son Eden did not want to be alone. As he lay in his crib, drowsy yet awake, he rolled over again and again to make sure I was still there. I did not want to be alone either and picked up my baby and he curled himself around my shoulder in response, my cheek resting on his head. I rocked him, hummed ‘his song’ and simply let our bodies be warm and snuggly together. These are the precious moments of parenthood. As I rocked Eden to sleep, my thoughts flashed quickly to Zach. For all the thousands of bed times I wish I could rock him to sleep, I somehow must be content with the one chance I had to hold him in my arms. I still remember the embrace fondly. I cradled him many hours after he was still. Pulling him close, I smelled his skin and kissed his...
Read MoreThe Quiet Rebuild Exhibition
After Zachary’s death, I lost myself. It was only after I got back into my work as an artist, photographer and writer that I came to understand that art possessed the ability to express the inexpressible parts of my sorrow. Building my wood sculptures was the beginning and was therapeutic as it allowed my mind to linger in places of pain and grow to understand myself better. The artwork that I have made over the last two years is called “The Quiet Rebuild” and is currently on exhibit at Harcourt House Gallery and Artist Run Centre in Edmonton, Alberta Canada. The show runs until November 29, 2013. Harcourt House Gallery: 3rd floor, 10215-112 Street, Edmonton, Alberta “The Quiet Rebuild” features painting, wood sculpture, photography and a curious...
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