Giving Grace & Understanding

I’ve had several times in my life where I have experienced truly rude and insensitive people. I’m sure anyone who has lost a child has come in contact with oblivious individuals who say things that leave a sting. Yet this phenomenon is not isolated. There was a woman who yelled at me in Michaels when I accidentally budded her in line. There was a woman who told my daughter to “shut up” when she was crying in the bathroom of an art gallery. I’m sure you could add to this list.

We all need to extend grace to each other. Instead of assuming the worst, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure most people have good intentions. If we all were to live like this, I believe the world would be a much happier place.

One of these ‘rude encounters’ occurred as I was preparing to say goodbye to my baby. It was such a sad time in my life which is why this event really bothered me. I’ll never forget it.

In the time leading up to Zach’s birth and death, my husband and I spent every day at the hospital trying to figure out if there was anything we could do. During that time my mother would come to our home at 6 in the morning to watch our daughter – every day for a month and a half.

One evening, after a day of testing, on the way home from the hospital, I stopped at Zellers to get a gift for my mom to say thank-you. I picked out a scarf (it was October and chilly) and found a place in the very long line. I was nearly 30 weeks pregnant but measured 40cm from the excess fluid buildup inside of me from Zach’s condition. It was hot in the store. The line was moving very slowly. Someone was having an issue paying. I felt faint.

My baby belly with Zachary. We knew at this point that something was wrong. That’s what makes this photo even more special; it’s something that has endured.

When another line opened up, it was a mad dash, for myself included who wanted to get out of the store as quick as possible. Two women also caught in the line shuffle, seeing that I was determined to move everyone along, chose to glare at me.

“What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know how to be patient?” they said to me. “It’s not a perfect world you know!” one woman barked.

Instantly I was red hot with anger but I said nothing. It was all I could do not to scream and yell at them. What I had wanted to say was:

“You’re right. It’s not a perfect world. There are mean spirited people like you in it, that’s one evidence. Can’t you see that I am pregnant? My feet hurt, I’m overheating and uncomfortable. Cut me some slack! Second of all, my baby, he is not going to make it. I know all too well that this is not a perfect world. Have you ever lost a child? Now get out of the way so I can pay for this f*&%’ing scarf!”

Since this event I have learned to stand up for myself. I think it’s important. When I do speak up, part of my ‘message’ is that we could all benefit from being a little more understanding of each other. We have no idea the state of the people around us. Someone could be having a great day or be stuck in the dumps. We cannot know.

The point is that we should give people the grace we wish they would give to us. Period.