It’s Better To Love
There are a lot of hoops to jump through when you go to school out of the country. As a Canadian about to start grad school in the States, I feel bogged down by paperwork. Some of that includes a health form regarding my immunization history. That is how I found myself in a health clinic today, realizing that I needed one more shot to be completely vaccinated. I’ve always loathed needles. Since I was small the very sight of them has brought out in me pitiful sobs and I begin to sweat, grow tense, wriggle and fidget. Today, the nurse commented on how well I did considering my phobia. I told her it’s due to the thousands (more like hundreds) of needles I had to endure leading up to and following Zachary’s birth and death, and in the nine months of genetics testing...
Read MoreOut of Sight but Not Out of Mind
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It makes me think of all the little household projects I want to do but haven’t gotten around to since the supplies are tucked neatly away. Whenever I open our laundry room cupboard I see the paint to touch up our scratched table and think, ‘Oh ya, I forgot about that!’ but once the door is closed once more I forget about the paint all over again. Out of sight, out of mind. This phrase bothers me when I think about Zachary. He is not with me, he is not physically in sight but that does not mean he is ever far from my mind. I think about my son every day. For me, my child is out of sight but not out of mind. One blessing of having other children is being able to look at them and see my son. Hannah...
Read MoreSharing our Children’s Birth Stories
I read an interesting post called “Family Storytelling” on the blog for the Centre for Family Literacy. The post was by Jonna Grad and encouraged parents to tell their children the story of their birth. The idea is to build strong bonds and encourage language development through oral storytelling. I remember my mom telling me the story of my birth when I was young. We would cuddle up before I went to sleep and she would describe the wintery night when she went into labor with me and how her and my dad rushed to the hospital. These are precious memories. After reading “Family Storytelling” I asked my 3 year old daughter Hannah if she wanted to hear the story of when she was born. She eagerly nodded with much curiosity. After telling her the story multiple times,...
Read MoreKids ‘Get’ Baby Loss; The Compassion of One Young Boy
A month ago I wrote, “We Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death,” and this is a follow up post to that. It was a few months ago, at Roots of Empathy, that I told the students in the grade two class about the death of my second child Zachary. At the time I guessed many of them could not comprehend my words as they sat watching my third child, Eden, play with toys on the blanket in front of us. How could a baby die, right? Actually, I was very wrong. Then, at my most recent visit to the school, one seven year old boy spoke up and touched my heart. As a class we were discussing Eden’s eating habits and out of the blue this student said to me: “I’m sad that Zachary died.” “Me too,” I said. “I wish he hadn’t died so that you could be happy.” “Thank you,” is all I...
Read MoreAmazing Inspiration for Amazing Race Canada
The Edmonton Journal featured my husband Aaron and I and our children in an article called, “Edmonton-area Teams Vie for Spot on Amazing Race,” published on March 2, 2013 by Elizabeth Withey. That’s right, we have officially applied to run the race of a life time – and do it all for one very special little man. While the applicants’ reasons for racing vary, Aaron and I applied for Amazing Race Canada to run for our sweet Zachary. After losing a child, mourning takes place not only for the precious child but also the future imagined for them; a future full of experiences, relationships and meaning. When Aaron and I heard about Amazing Race Canada, we thought, ‘What a great way for us to have a huge adventure and do things that Zachary will never have the...
Read MoreWe Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death
Since the fall, I have participated in a program called Roots of Empathy. In “Roots” I bring my son Eden to a grade two class every month of the school year and the children observe Eden grow and learn. I often talk about Eden’s older sister and our family. Since the beginning of Roots I wondered if I should tell the kids about Zachary. I hummed and hawed over this decision every month and I eventually asked the program teacher if it was appropriate, or possibly too upsetting for the young children. She said, “If you are comfortable, go for it!” When an opportunity arose, I did talk about Zachary to my Root’s kids and their reaction was touching and profoundly instructive for adults on how to address death. Unlike many adults I’ve interacted with, the kids did...
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