Weights and Measures – The Impact of our Unseen Children
This is a speech I wrote for the Parent Care Candlelight Service on December 19. The chapel was full and I barely made it through my reflections as the love and longing for unseen children was so palpable. We are still in the midst of the holiday season with New Years on the way. I hope my words may continue to be an encouragement. Love always. The holidays are a time for togetherness, board games, gifts, and food. It is also a time for reflection. Since I am cooking my very first Christmas dinner this year, I started to reflect on food. I now have a folder full of recipes ready for the meal-of-the-year but my palms begin to sweat as I remember all the truly terrible meals I have made over the years. When the...
Read MoreRemembering your Baby over the Holidays
Christmas is one of the best times of the year – but it can also be very difficult for many people. For some the struggles are financial and practical while for others the feeling of being alone becomes tangible. If you have lost a baby, the ache for your child and the life they did not live may be forefront in your thoughts as you see other children sit on Santa’s lap at the mall or hear Christmas carols that remind you of your own childhood and all the dreams you had. At this time of year I am always reminded that Zachary was supposed to be a Christmas baby. My original due date was December 20th. How can we remember our precious children at Christmas time? Here are some ideas I am trying: Craft. I’m sewing a stocking for each of my children, Zachary...
Read MoreAnswerless Questions after the Death of a Child
Is it a form of self-torture to ask yourself questions you’re aware have no answers? I’ve been mentally debating this lately. What is your opinion? At my daughter’s birthday party a while back one of the young guests’ parents came up to me and startled me with what he said. (Let’s call him Tim.) Tim had just been speaking with my husband Aaron and I guessed that they had been talking about Zachary. It turned out that Tim was a pediatric physician and he told me that if Zachary had lived he would have been in Tim’s care. This startled me because I had never thought about what type of post delivery care my son would have needed if he lived. At the time of the birthday party I did not let myself think about Tim’s words, busy with face painting and cake cutting, but...
Read MoreBedtime
Tonight, my son Eden did not want to be alone. As he lay in his crib, drowsy yet awake, he rolled over again and again to make sure I was still there. I did not want to be alone either and picked up my baby and he curled himself around my shoulder in response, my cheek resting on his head. I rocked him, hummed ‘his song’ and simply let our bodies be warm and snuggly together. These are the precious moments of parenthood. As I rocked Eden to sleep, my thoughts flashed quickly to Zach. For all the thousands of bed times I wish I could rock him to sleep, I somehow must be content with the one chance I had to hold him in my arms. I still remember the embrace fondly. I cradled him many hours after he was still. Pulling him close, I smelled his skin and kissed his...
Read MoreThree Years of Remembering and Unexpected Surprises
Zachary’s third birthday, also the day of his death, fell over the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend this year. This was timely as I have much to be thankful for regarding Zach. I am thankful for thirty weeks of kicks and the magic bond between mother and child. I am thankful for his life, however brief. I am thankful I held him alive for just a few moments. I am thankful for the strength he seemed to give me to survive. I am thankful that he has given me a passion to help others. I am thankful that I still feel him with me. It has taken me a month to write this post, not out of busyness, but because of what shocked me on the day we celebrated and remembered… We began Zachary’s birthday as we always do, with a plentiful breakfast and time as a family. My husband...
Read MoreJoin me at the Baby Steps Memorial Walk
Registration for the first ever Baby Steps Memorial Walk is taking place soon. If you have lost a child, this event will help you remember and celebrate their little life. I will be speaking about what it means to be a survivor and how we can keep our children alive in our hearts and the world. If you can’t make the event today (12:30pm at Festival Place and Broadmoor Lake in Sherwood Park) I will be posting my speech next week on Wanted Chosen Planned so you can still be encouraged. Click here for more information. Or visit: www.babystepswalk.com Best wishes always, Alexis Marie...
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