Guest Blogging on The Stars Apart
It is always fun to make friends through blogging. I discovered a kindred spirit in Lisa Sissons who writes a blog called The Stars Apart. She too has lost a child and also, coincidentally, lives in Edmonton, Alberta. Today Lisa published a guest blog post I wrote for The Stars Apart about my experience losing Zachary. It is called, “A Change of Plans.” Anyone who has lost a child will understand the loss of future and needed change of plans that this experience necessitates. As always, I hope my words can be an encouragement to readers. Grief can be a long journey but it needn’t be a lonely one. I believe we are stronger, better, smarter, happier and healthier together. Together we can get through our most trying times. Please check out The Stars Apart. You can...
Read MoreGiving Grace & Understanding
I’ve had several times in my life where I have experienced truly rude and insensitive people. I’m sure anyone who has lost a child has come in contact with oblivious individuals who say things that leave a sting. Yet this phenomenon is not isolated. There was a woman who yelled at me in Michaels when I accidentally budded her in line. There was a woman who told my daughter to “shut up” when she was crying in the bathroom of an art gallery. I’m sure you could add to this list. We all need to extend grace to each other. Instead of assuming the worst, let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure most people have good intentions. If we all were to live like this, I believe the world would be a much happier place. One of these ‘rude encounters’ occurred as...
Read MoreThe Mourning Grandparent
Not long ago I received an emotional yet illuminating email from a grandmother in mourning. She read my blog and felt compelled to get in touch. This woman shared the story of how her son and daughter-in-law came to discover complications with their unborn child and that the baby was eventually stillborn. “This baby was to be my first grandchild,” the woman wrote. The email brought me to tears as I reflected upon not only the sadness of this woman but also on what my own parents may be feeling. Kindly, this woman agreed that I could share one of her thoughts with you today. She wrote about the loss of a child: “People don’t always realize that the loss is also traumatic for the potential grandparents – we deal not only with the loss of the baby, our...
Read MoreAmazing Inspiration for Amazing Race Canada
The Edmonton Journal featured my husband Aaron and I and our children in an article called, “Edmonton-area Teams Vie for Spot on Amazing Race,” published on March 2, 2013 by Elizabeth Withey. That’s right, we have officially applied to run the race of a life time – and do it all for one very special little man. While the applicants’ reasons for racing vary, Aaron and I applied for Amazing Race Canada to run for our sweet Zachary. After losing a child, mourning takes place not only for the precious child but also the future imagined for them; a future full of experiences, relationships and meaning. When Aaron and I heard about Amazing Race Canada, we thought, ‘What a great way for us to have a huge adventure and do things that Zachary will never have the...
Read MoreLove is the True Healer
After writing about the cliché that says ‘time heals all wounds,’ I concluded that time is not our healer but our helper. Thus, my search continued to answer the question: Want can heal a broken heart? The answer is simple. It’s LOVE. No matter the type of loss, everything hinges on love. Many couples who have lost a child believe having another baby will heal them – but what is actually healing is LOVE. Having another baby is healing because it brings a tremendous amount of love into our lives in a very visceral and tangible way. Yet, if having a baby was the only way to heal after the loss of a child, what then for those who cannot have more children? Are they sentenced to a life without resolution to their pain? Of course not. Finding healing is not...
Read MoreWe Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death
Since the fall, I have participated in a program called Roots of Empathy. In “Roots” I bring my son Eden to a grade two class every month of the school year and the children observe Eden grow and learn. I often talk about Eden’s older sister and our family. Since the beginning of Roots I wondered if I should tell the kids about Zachary. I hummed and hawed over this decision every month and I eventually asked the program teacher if it was appropriate, or possibly too upsetting for the young children. She said, “If you are comfortable, go for it!” When an opportunity arose, I did talk about Zachary to my Root’s kids and their reaction was touching and profoundly instructive for adults on how to address death. Unlike many adults I’ve interacted with, the kids did...
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