Grieving Children of All Ages: Reflections on the Walk to Remember, Chicago
My husband Aaron and I recently attended a Walk to Remember in Chicago as a part of The Compassionate Friends of America National Conference. (I will write more about the conference and the workshop I presented, Healing through Visual Art, in upcoming blog posts.) Something different about The Compassionate Friends, their conference and Walk from what I have previously experienced is their focus on the loss of children – and siblings – of all ages. Sometimes I get very stuck in my own experience of losing a baby that I don’t always reflect on the parents who lose an older or even adult child. I do frequently think about my living children and fear for their safety, but to be honest up until this conference I had not contemplated at length all the grieving...
Read MoreBleeding Hearts
I received a lovely email the other day from my mother-in-law. This is what she said: Hi Alexis Marie, I was out in my garden today, and the tulip I planted in Zachary’s honor after ‘Walk To Remember’ a couple years ago is in full bloom. But this year it is coming up with a shrub I had planted last year and it is in bloom at the same time. The name of the shrub – Bleeding Heart. Very special to me, and I know it would be to you as well. Love, Mom The bleeding heart. What a perfect picture of the grieving parent. For a long time I felt the jagged edges of what I could only describe as a broken heart but recently I was reading a book that used other symbolism to represent parental bereavement. Such symbols included a tea pot and a cracked nut, both able to hold...
Read MoreLiving with an Open Hand
This is the speech I gave last weekend at the May Memorial, Remembering Our Losses. I hope it will be an encouragement. OPEN HAND Of all the many lessons I’ve learned in my life, there is one in particular that stands out. The lesson: live with an open hand. Living with an open hand is like holding a butterfly. It means not squeezing too tightly to what we want, to what we love; otherwise it may be crushed between our fingers. Instead, we can open our hands and let that which we desire stay however long it wishes. If it goes, it may return if we remain open, but there is also the chance it will not come back. Living openly like this means being grateful for what we have for however long we have it. In happy times, this lesson sounds easy, but throughout...
Read MoreRemembering our Losses, May Memorial in Edmonton
If you are looking for a place to celebrate your child in the presence of others who share your experience, there is a lovely Edmonton event called, “Remembering Our Losses.” I will be speaking at this event and reflecting on living with an “Open hand.” Put on by Alberta Health Services & Covenant Health Pregnancy & Infant Loss Program, this event takes place on Sunday, May 25 at 1:00 pm at Connelly-McKinley Funeral Homes. There will be a graveside ceremony following the memorial. Click the image above to see a larger version. If you attend this event, please find me and say hello. I’d like to meet you. I believe we are stronger together. If you have a baby loss event that you would like me to share, please...
Read MoreReturn to Zero
Have you heard about Return to Zero? Tomorrow, Saturday May 17, the film Return to Zero will have its world television premier (Sunday May 18 in the UK). The movie is a true story of love, loss and hope. Minnie Driver and Paul Adelstein play a couple who have a stillborn child and face their ‘new normal’ afterwards. When I watched the trailer, I couldn’t help but weep. I am so proud of this movie, and the anthology Three Minus One that I’m published in. I am passionate about dispelling the taboo around child loss that hinders couples from healthy grief in a supportive community. It is wonderful that couples and families that have been through loss can band together to support one another and commit to beautiful projects like Return to Zero and Three Minus...
Read MoreThe Meaning in a Name
When names are chosen with purpose and meaning, I get goosebumps. It’s like bestowing on a person the mantle of their destiny. I remember my mom telling me the meaning of my name when I was little: Alexis, helper and defender of mankind. I’ve never forgotten that. As a kid, I took the meaning of my name very seriously, like a responsibility and one I was proud to fulfill. I stood up for bullied kids and have always loved helping people. My daughter’s name, Hannah, means favor and grace. After my husband Aaron and I discovered that our second child would not live, in hopes of a miracle we chose his name. Zachary, remembered by God. It broke my heart at the time of my son’s death, ‘Had God forgotten my child?’ I’ve come to understand that there are many things I...
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