Has the way you celebrate your deceased child changed over time?
Four and a half years have passed since Zachary died. I am a different person now than I once was – and so too has my family changed since our loss. We have grown – not only in number as we welcomed Eden two years ago, but we are also growing-up as our kids’ age and my husband and I pursue education and careers. In many ways I feel my grief and my need for acts of remembrance for Zachary have changed as well. Sometimes these feelings of change make me uncomfortable. Take Christmas for example. I want to remember that Zachary’s original due date was a few days before Christmas and I want to think about him as I spend time with my family over the holidays – but I don’t want to slip into the sadness of my loss amidst the happy times – not anymore. I once went...
Read MoreRemembering the Spark of Life: Today is Worldwide Candle Lighting
Please join me today in Worldwide Candle Lighting at 7pm. Whether a child dies in an early miscarriage or as an adult, their life was and continues to be tremendously precious. Light your candle for one hour and celebrate the life of your son or daughter, brother or sister, or grandchild. There are too few opportunities where we may slow down in our busy lives. This is one of those rare times and I encourage you to be mindful of your thoughts, feelings and body as you take an hour to reflect. Take a deep breath and cry if you need to or share stories and laugh. One of the most important aspects to grief and healing is that the process is as unique as every individual. Celebrate in the way that you feel comfortable. Here are some quotes to guide you as you...
Read MoreSave the Date: Worldwide Candle Lighting on December 14
In less than a week, The Compassionate Friends host Worldwide Candling Lighting. The heart of the event: “Light a candle for all children who have died… that their light may always shine.” The Worldwide Candle Lighting will take place Sunday, December 14, 2014 at 7pm creating a wave of light around the globe. The Compassionate Friends is an organization that supports families after the death of a child at any age. I attended their National Conference this past summer and it proved to be a very kind and thoughtful community. The organization encourages bereaved families to light a candle for one hour to “honor the memories of the sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, and grandchildren who left too soon.” To learn more about Worldwide Candling Lighting, please click...
Read MoreBereavement Documentaries
The Resource section of Wanted Chosen Planned is now updated with a section called Documentaries. There is tremendously important studies and research being done on stillbirth, SIDS, early infant loss, the effect of a sibling death and many other topics. I discovered this great site with documentaries based on this research and I hope you find it useful. Click here to visit the Wanted Chosen Planned Resources. Happy Friday everyone! Hugs & love ...
Read MoreWhen a Child Dies Please Remember: Siblings Grieve Too
I recently viewed a documentary out of Toronto presented by researcher Christine Jonas-Simpson called, “Always with Me: Understanding Bereaved Children Whose Baby Sibling Died.” This video, and the presentation given by Simpson, blew me away. I began to think about my children’s response to Zachary’s death in a new way. It may sound silly, but I never really imagined my young kids, five and two-years-old, to have their own grief. I always thought that they were sad because I was sad, or that they talked about Zachary because I did. What I realized while watching the research-based documentary: Kids have their own grief that is separate and unique from their parents. Different children will respond in different ways to the loss. It is good and healthy to talk to...
Read MoreGrief Triggers (Warning: Sensitive Images for Bereaved Parents)
Triggers can be anything that make you think about your loss, struggle and grief. I have had all kinds of triggers since Zachary died and I can guess that many others have experienced these as well: The expiration date on food. The sound of your baby’s name. The hospital. The route to the hospital. Anniversaries. Babies in general. While triggers can cause our emotions to flare, I try to think about my child in those moments. In that way, triggers can be a lovely opportunity for remembrance. The challenge is when these triggers startle us so badly that we cannot cope in the moment. In those cases, the best plan is to remove ourselves from those situations and find a safe place to sit and take a few long, calming breaths. I had an over-the-top trigger experience...
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