Having a Baby after Loss
I have not yet shared here, on Wanted Chosen Planned, that I am pregnant. Nor have I shared this news with all of my baby-loss friends and colleagues. My intent was to be sensitive to the grief of others. I remember when I was recently bereaved. Pregnancy announcements bothered me and the sight of round bellies had me in tears. Having a baby after loss is HARD. This blog is about life after the loss of a child and that often includes family planning and subsequent pregnancies. It is an important topic, although one I am having a hard time addressing these days… I am having a hard time because my coping mechanism this go around happens to be avoidance. It is very likely I would have avoided writing about this pregnancy at all if I didn’t feel the need to be...
Read MoreHeading to TCF Conference
This weekend, July 9 to 12, is The Compassionate Friends of America National Conference, held this year in Dallas Texas. I have never been to Dallas before but it will be my second year at the conference. Last time I presented on the use of art and creativity in healing after the death of a child. This year I am leading two workshops on rejuvenating the bereavement leader and volunteer. Knowing what to expect, I will carry my package of tissue to all the sessions. It is an emotion filled conference. The Compassionate Friends do a great job of creating an atmosphere where people can be themselves, grieve, celebrate and find community. If you have never heard of The Compassionate Friends, click here to learn more about them. What makes them unique is that they...
Read MoreEncouraging Quotes
Every once and a while it is lovely to read quotes that inspire reflection and ignite revelation. As I put together this list of five quotes that spoke to me, I came away with the strong sense that: Blessings can be found in our sorrows. I have seen this to be true in my own life. I never would have imagined being thankful for all I have learned from Zachary’s death, but I have grown a great deal as a person as a result. Yes, I want my son back every day, but I see that I have discovered so many gifts in this life post-loss. My son helped me find my voice as a writer and artist. He helped me appreciate my living children and life in general. He gave me a mission: to support people like myself who are forced to live this “new normal” after loss. Zachary helped me...
Read MoreHow to Celebrate Bereaved Dads on Father’s Day
Bereaved dads don’t get enough support – and our society doesn’t encourage them to ask for it when they need it. My husband Aaron grieved so differently than me. We were night and day. I was open, crying, needing to talk about our loss all the time, and could not focus on day to day concerns; they were meaningless to me for so long. For Aaron on the other hand, he shoved his emotions down and threw himself into his work. He didn’t talk about Zachary very often, if ever, unless I brought him up. He said all the right things to me, but was disassociated from our loss and our relationship. This was his way of coping. It was an extremely challenging time for us both. I have learned that the typical male and female grief patterns are not right and wrong in themselves,...
Read MoreIt’s not too late to participate in Celebrating Sweeties
I am always encouraged to see the children remembered on the Celebrating Sweeties page here on Wanted Chosen Planned. Their faces and names remind me why I write this blog and encourage me to keep going with my passion for baby-loss advocacy. All our children matter. Celebrating Sweeties is an ongoing project and I welcome anyone to participate. If you would like your child celebrated, please email me at info@alexismariechute.com Send me your child’s name, birthday and a photo if you have one. A picture is not required. “I thought I would have to teach my child about the world. It turns out I have to teach the world about my child.” -Anonymous...
Read MoreToday’s Parent Wins Editorial Package Award for Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Campaign
I am happy to announce that the online campaign on Today’s Parent Magazine, called: Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss, has won a National Magazine Award for Best Editorial Package. The campaign features the stories of three mothers who suffered from the loss of a baby at various stages of pregnancy. I highly encourage everyone to read the stories and articles featured in the campaign. One of the three stories featured in the campaign is mine – the story of how I lost my son Zachary, from the excitement of first discovering I was pregnant to the moment he passed away in my arms. My story is told through an interview with me combined with an overarching narrative. “My husband and I both held Zachary skin to skin, which was really important to us. We only had...
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