Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Assisting Others
In anticipation for a trip I took recently I employed a technique I often use when packing. Visualization. As a self confessed over packer, I have been trying to bring only that which I will actually use. In this process, as I was imagining all the things I’d need to pack for the kids on the plane, I heard these familiar words in my head: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Then POW, a realization hit me… After your child dies, your first responsibility is your own grief. Work through it, cry it out, mourn in the way that is authentic to you, read books, go on long walks, scream into a pillow, talk with a friend – whatever you need for however long feels right. Then, and only you will know when, you will be ready to support others in...
Read MoreAmazing Inspiration for Amazing Race Canada
The Edmonton Journal featured my husband Aaron and I and our children in an article called, “Edmonton-area Teams Vie for Spot on Amazing Race,” published on March 2, 2013 by Elizabeth Withey. That’s right, we have officially applied to run the race of a life time – and do it all for one very special little man. While the applicants’ reasons for racing vary, Aaron and I applied for Amazing Race Canada to run for our sweet Zachary. After losing a child, mourning takes place not only for the precious child but also the future imagined for them; a future full of experiences, relationships and meaning. When Aaron and I heard about Amazing Race Canada, we thought, ‘What a great way for us to have a huge adventure and do things that Zachary will never have the...
Read MoreLove is the True Healer
After writing about the cliché that says ‘time heals all wounds,’ I concluded that time is not our healer but our helper. Thus, my search continued to answer the question: Want can heal a broken heart? The answer is simple. It’s LOVE. No matter the type of loss, everything hinges on love. Many couples who have lost a child believe having another baby will heal them – but what is actually healing is LOVE. Having another baby is healing because it brings a tremendous amount of love into our lives in a very visceral and tangible way. Yet, if having a baby was the only way to heal after the loss of a child, what then for those who cannot have more children? Are they sentenced to a life without resolution to their pain? Of course not. Finding healing is not...
Read MoreKind Words for Wanted, Chosen, Planned
It was wonderful to receive word this week that Wanted, Chosen, Planned was nominated for The Yeggies. You may be wondering, ‘What on earth is a Yeggie?” Short answer, The Yeggies are an Edmonton (YEG) New Media Award which honours local content creators. Wanted, Chosen, Planned was nominated in the “Best in Family or Parenting” category. While even just the nomination is a huge blessing, the comments left by nominators were really what got me. My greatest hope is for my writing and speaking to be an encouragement to others who have lost a child. I want my experience of loss and journey navigating this ‘new normal’ to help others along the way. For me, to hear that my readers are connecting with my words is the greatest reward. Here are some of the comments:...
Read MoreAbundantly Thankful
Yesterday morning got off on the wrong foot; everything seemed to be off. I have become a big believer in positivity and the idea that our feelings or mood will attract more of the same into our lives. With that in mind, I began trying to change my outlook on the day. One of my friends recently lost her grandfather and asked me if I could photograph his Celebration of Life. The first reaction in my heart was: ‘Absolutely! Anything I can do to help!’ – But since losing Zachary, I have had a much more complicated response to funerals and death. I began to worry that photographing the memorial may be too emotional as already I was crying for my friend’s loss and lamenting how short life is (even when it stretches 70 years and beyond). I nervously shared these...
Read MoreDoes Time Heal all Wounds?
After Zachary died, many people quoted the cliché saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Not only did this ignite my anger but it also motivated me to prove them all wrong. ; “Time doesn’t heal anything,” I said to myself, “I will always be heartbroken for my child.” ; ; 2 years, 2 months, 26 days, 12 hours, 39 minutes and 10 (or so) seconds have passed since my son died in my arms. Has time healed me? Or was I right that the saying, “Time heals,” is a big crock? ; What I discovered is that neither extreme is correct. From my experience over the last two years I have learned that the nature of Time is gentle; not black and white, not the scenario that one moment you mourn and the next thing you know, time passes and...
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