Grieving {Guest Post}
I met Bobbi Junior at a social network marketing class I taught at Harcourt house for artists and writers in the fall of 2013. When I shared Wanted Chosen Planned as an example of my blogging efforts, Bobbi realized that she and I had something in common; early infant loss. I was intrigued to hear Bobbi’s perspective on the death of her child since she has many more years experience on this journey than me. Thank you, Bobbi, for this blog post. I’m sure it will encourage many. Her gravestone reads, “Wendy Lorraine Junior. Budded on earth to bloom in heaven. April 23 – 25, 1985” My husband, Rick, picked the phrase from a page of quotes provided by the funeral home. I had tried to choose, but none felt worthy of our baby girl. She was being buried in a...
Read MoreNew Year’s Resolutions for the New Normal
Resolutions are tough. We envision the perfect version of ourselves and set goals of how to morph into that person. While others resolve never to make a New Year’s resolution because they know that they will most definitely break it. I happen to like resolutions. Goals fuel me. Having a purpose becomes a motivating factor for me in moving forward with my life. Some of the things I have learned about this ‘new normal,’ this life after the death of a child, in terms of making New Year’s resolutions include: Life is unpredictable and no matter our plans, we may head in an unanticipated direction. Being adaptable, flexible, and open are character traits that will serve us well. It is still better to hope and believe and make plans knowing that they may get changed or...
Read MoreWeights and Measures – The Impact of our Unseen Children
This is a speech I wrote for the Parent Care Candlelight Service on December 19. The chapel was full and I barely made it through my reflections as the love and longing for unseen children was so palpable. We are still in the midst of the holiday season with New Years on the way. I hope my words may continue to be an encouragement. Love always. The holidays are a time for togetherness, board games, gifts, and food. It is also a time for reflection. Since I am cooking my very first Christmas dinner this year, I started to reflect on food. I now have a folder full of recipes ready for the meal-of-the-year but my palms begin to sweat as I remember all the truly terrible meals I have made over the years. When the...
Read MoreRemembering your Baby over the Holidays
Christmas is one of the best times of the year – but it can also be very difficult for many people. For some the struggles are financial and practical while for others the feeling of being alone becomes tangible. If you have lost a baby, the ache for your child and the life they did not live may be forefront in your thoughts as you see other children sit on Santa’s lap at the mall or hear Christmas carols that remind you of your own childhood and all the dreams you had. At this time of year I am always reminded that Zachary was supposed to be a Christmas baby. My original due date was December 20th. How can we remember our precious children at Christmas time? Here are some ideas I am trying: Craft. I’m sewing a stocking for each of my children, Zachary...
Read MoreAnswerless Questions after the Death of a Child
Is it a form of self-torture to ask yourself questions you’re aware have no answers? I’ve been mentally debating this lately. What is your opinion? At my daughter’s birthday party a while back one of the young guests’ parents came up to me and startled me with what he said. (Let’s call him Tim.) Tim had just been speaking with my husband Aaron and I guessed that they had been talking about Zachary. It turned out that Tim was a pediatric physician and he told me that if Zachary had lived he would have been in Tim’s care. This startled me because I had never thought about what type of post delivery care my son would have needed if he lived. At the time of the birthday party I did not let myself think about Tim’s words, busy with face painting and cake cutting, but...
Read MoreHope in The Hunger Games
My husband Aaron read The Hunger Games a year ago and enjoyed the books greatly – but I was not interested. When he told me that kids battle to the death, as a woman who lost a child, I thought that the subject matter would be extremely upsetting. Why would I want to read about that or watch a child die in a movie? When school English classes began reading the books I realized that I cannot protect myself from everything. I’m sad to say that there will always be children that die in the world, though I wish I could change this, but what I do have control over is understanding my culture. As a writer I believe it’s important to be abreast of literary trends – especially ones that young people grab a hold of. With the release of the second movie, I finally...
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