Losing Control, Finding Control
Today I am speaking at the second annual Baby Steps Memorial Walk. It is very special to gather together within a supportive community to celebrate our dearly loved children. My speech is about the idea of control – losing it and finding it. Here are some thoughts I will be sharing: “After my son Zachary died four years ago this month, the loss of control I experienced was all encompassing and one of the most debilitating aspects of my grief that held me in a state of sadness for so long. Have you experienced this as well?” “The loss of control can be scary; it puts us in a position of surrender and vulnerability. Giving up control forces us to accept the mysterious parts of life that will alter our course – without our consent....
Read MoreWhy I am Passionate about Breaking the Taboo around Loss
Right now I am in Amsterdam presenting at The 2014 International Conference on Stillbirth, SIDS and Baby Survival. My topic: Healing through the Creative Arts. I feel wildly shy presenting to international medical professionals, but I hope my workshop will be a spark of insight for the professional practice of these individuals that interact with heart wrenching loss of young lives on a daily basis. I will be discussing ways that both visual and literary arts can help a bereaved person heal after tragedy. I was asked the other day if it is challenging to speak at conferences and constantly retell Zachary’s story. Yes and no. Yes, it is wearying some days to always put myself back in a vulnerable place of pain. At the same time, I love talking about my baby that...
Read MoreTalking to Kids about Death
When Zachary died, Hannah was eleven months old. She came to the hospital after her younger brother died in my arms. She was very curious and touched Zachary’s head. She was all smiles despite the sniffles and tears in the room. She didn’t understand what had happened then, but she does now – I think. I have had many discussions with Hannah about where her first little brother went. She calls him Zachy. While I sometimes stretch the truth with Hannah, telling her things like she will go to kid jail if she is mean, I somehow felt compelled to tell her the truth about Zachary. I told her that Zachary died. I told her that Mommy and Daddy were very sad – although she must have sensed this. I tried very hard to be happy for her, but she would rest her hand on my...
Read MoreAutumn Baby Loss Memorial Events
Why attend a memorial event? You can remember and celebrate your child. You can be vulnerable and open with your emotions in a non-judgemental environment. You can find community in the presence of others who have also lost a child. You can create mementos and keepsakes. You can find support and resources to help you along the journey of grief. For a list of baby walks and events, please visit the Resources page. Here are a few updates of memorial events for my home city of Edmonton: Walk to Remember, Edmonton This event is not happening in 2014. It is unclear from the website if this is a one-year hiatus or if the event has concluded permanently. Baby Steps Memorial Walk Also, find Baby Steps on Facebook. Date: Saturday, October 4, 2014 Time: 2pm Click...
Read MoreA Miscarriage and Baby Loss Campaign by Today’s Parent Magazine
I was in Toronto this week to be interviewed by the lovely ladies at Today’s Parent Magazine. They are releasing a hugely important campaign to support those who have experienced the death of a child. I commend Today’s Parent for tackling this challenging and taboo subject – and also for giving me the opportunity to share Zachary’s story. I am passionate about dispelling the silence and loneliness around this type of loss with the goal of connecting people, both men and women, in a caring and compassionate community. As I often do when I retell my family’s story, I cried and smeared my make-up during the interview. I still get choked up every now and then, even after almost four years, but I’m okay with my emotions these days. I accept them as a beautiful part of...
Read MoreHealing Through Visual Art at The Compassionate Friends Conference
I am passionate about art and I am passionate about my family. It was an honour to bring those two loves together when I presented Healing through Visual Art a month ago at The Compassionate Friends of America National Conference in Chicago, Illinois. I started my workshop by sharing about Zachary’s life, his death, and how I discovered creativity as a way to pull myself out of the pit of grief. The conference saw thousands of bereaved parents, and some siblings too, gather together to remember, learn and share. Standing in front of nearly forty attendees of my workshop, I was honoured to open up about my experience and show my artwork made in the darkest periods of my mourning. I presented many techniques and examples of how to use art for self-expression and...
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