Struggling & How to Help
Having a baby after losing a baby is hard. Then you add a complication to the pregnancy and everything spirals. To be honest, I am struggling right now. What has happened in the last five days: I had my 20 week ultrasound last Tuesday. That night, our doctor called and said there may be something wrong with my baby’s heart and that it could be an indicator of a larger problem. I was making dinner at the time. The torrent of emotions nearly knocked me off my feet. I wept so hard both nostrils started bleeding. There was blood on my clothing and on my three-year-old son who ran to comfort me. Though I was making a new recipe that night, both Aaron and I lost our appetites after the call. At the same time, our instinctual coping mechanisms kicked-in. All I wanted...
Read MoreZuckerberg & Chan Pregnancy Announcement
I am always so impressed when people are brave in sharing about their losses. It is not an easy thing to do in our culture. On July 31, the Facebook founder updated his public profile with the news of their growing family. Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan’s pregnancy announcement confirmed the couple is pregnant – and with a baby girl, but also that they have been trying for years. Three miscarriages later, they posted a smiling maternity photo, Priscilla with a radiant smile and the glow of motherhood. For those of you not on Facebook, or may have missed the announcement, here it is. Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan pregnancy announcement: The announcement shares with the world some of the challenges and confusion around miscarriage. “You feel so hopeful...
Read MoreHaving a Baby after Loss
I have not yet shared here, on Wanted Chosen Planned, that I am pregnant. Nor have I shared this news with all of my baby-loss friends and colleagues. My intent was to be sensitive to the grief of others. I remember when I was recently bereaved. Pregnancy announcements bothered me and the sight of round bellies had me in tears. Having a baby after loss is HARD. This blog is about life after the loss of a child and that often includes family planning and subsequent pregnancies. It is an important topic, although one I am having a hard time addressing these days… I am having a hard time because my coping mechanism this go around happens to be avoidance. It is very likely I would have avoided writing about this pregnancy at all if I didn’t feel the need to be...
Read MoreHeading to TCF Conference
This weekend, July 9 to 12, is The Compassionate Friends of America National Conference, held this year in Dallas Texas. I have never been to Dallas before but it will be my second year at the conference. Last time I presented on the use of art and creativity in healing after the death of a child. This year I am leading two workshops on rejuvenating the bereavement leader and volunteer. Knowing what to expect, I will carry my package of tissue to all the sessions. It is an emotion filled conference. The Compassionate Friends do a great job of creating an atmosphere where people can be themselves, grieve, celebrate and find community. If you have never heard of The Compassionate Friends, click here to learn more about them. What makes them unique is that they...
Read MoreHow to Celebrate Bereaved Dads on Father’s Day
Bereaved dads don’t get enough support – and our society doesn’t encourage them to ask for it when they need it. My husband Aaron grieved so differently than me. We were night and day. I was open, crying, needing to talk about our loss all the time, and could not focus on day to day concerns; they were meaningless to me for so long. For Aaron on the other hand, he shoved his emotions down and threw himself into his work. He didn’t talk about Zachary very often, if ever, unless I brought him up. He said all the right things to me, but was disassociated from our loss and our relationship. This was his way of coping. It was an extremely challenging time for us both. I have learned that the typical male and female grief patterns are not right and wrong in themselves,...
Read MoreToday’s Parent Wins Editorial Package Award for Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Campaign
I am happy to announce that the online campaign on Today’s Parent Magazine, called: Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss, has won a National Magazine Award for Best Editorial Package. The campaign features the stories of three mothers who suffered from the loss of a baby at various stages of pregnancy. I highly encourage everyone to read the stories and articles featured in the campaign. One of the three stories featured in the campaign is mine – the story of how I lost my son Zachary, from the excitement of first discovering I was pregnant to the moment he passed away in my arms. My story is told through an interview with me combined with an overarching narrative. “My husband and I both held Zachary skin to skin, which was really important to us. We only had...
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