How to Celebrate Bereaved Dads on Father’s Day
Bereaved dads don’t get enough support – and our society doesn’t encourage them to ask for it when they need it. My husband Aaron grieved so differently than me. We were night and day. I was open, crying, needing to talk about our loss all the time, and could not focus on day to day concerns; they were meaningless to me for so long. For Aaron on the other hand, he shoved his emotions down and threw himself into his work. He didn’t talk about Zachary very often, if ever, unless I brought him up. He said all the right things to me, but was disassociated from our loss and our relationship. This was his way of coping. It was an extremely challenging time for us both. I have learned that the typical male and female grief patterns are not right and wrong in themselves,...
Read MoreWhat books have you found helpful?
Books can be tremendously helpful after loss. When we read the stories of others – in memoirs, blogs and personal essays – we can feel less alone in our own experiences. Self-help books do just what the category name suggests – they help us get out of the rut we cannot seem to escape on our own. I love books. On the journey after the death of a child, they can be great companions. What books have you found helpful? I have added a new section to the resources on Wanted Chosen Planned. You guessed it: a BOOK LIST! Happy reading! ...
Read MoreGood Grief, It’s Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms! You know who you are – never question your motherhood, no matter how society might make you feel. Nurture and care for yourself today. You are special and worthy of celebration. I was speaking with my own mother just a few days ago and we agreed that it is not the duration of the child’s life that matters. The love, the bond and the connection – that is what counts, what lingers long after loss. When I saw this children’s book as I dug through the bookshelf with my living kids, I was immediately halted by the title. Good Grief, It’s Mother’s Day! The Peanuts book is based on the comic strip by Charles M. Schulz. The book shows all the Peanut characters and their beliefs about the day, and their sometimes kooky gift ideas as...
Read MoreDo you want your deceased child’s name remembered in my book?
As many of you know, I have written a memoir called Expecting Sunshine about my experience of losing Zachary and having my next child Eden. I wrote the memoir back in 2011 and have been editing it for the last three LONG years. Crazy, I know, but I want it to be just right. Finally, as you read this, I am putting the finishing touches on the text and am excited to move forward in the next stages with my book. As I was editing just now, I had an idea! I have one scene where I am attending the Walk to Remember and am reading names along the sidewalk, looking for Zachary’s name. Currently, I have made-up names listed there – but I began to wonder if any of you would like to include your deceased child’s name. It could be a special way to commemorate your son...
Read MoreReturn to Zero
Have you heard about Return to Zero? Tomorrow, Saturday May 17, the film Return to Zero will have its world television premier (Sunday May 18 in the UK). The movie is a true story of love, loss and hope. Minnie Driver and Paul Adelstein play a couple who have a stillborn child and face their ‘new normal’ afterwards. When I watched the trailer, I couldn’t help but weep. I am so proud of this movie, and the anthology Three Minus One that I’m published in. I am passionate about dispelling the taboo around child loss that hinders couples from healthy grief in a supportive community. It is wonderful that couples and families that have been through loss can band together to support one another and commit to beautiful projects like Return to Zero and Three Minus...
Read MoreThree Minus One Anthology
The Three Minus One book will be released on April 19, 2014 by SheWrites Press. I am so thankful that one of my essays is included within this hugely meaningful anthology. My essay is called, “The Tiny Voice that Saved Me,” and is about the days following my son’s death. Description of Three Minus One: Three Minus One: Parents’ Stories of Love and Loss is a collection of intimate, soul-baring stories and artwork by parents who have lost a child to stillbirth, miscarriage, or neonatal death, inspired by the film Return to Zero. The loss of a child is unlike any other, and the impact that it has on the mother, the father, their family, and their friends is devastating—a shockwave of pain and guilt that spreads through their entire community. But the majority of...
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