Grief Triggers (Warning: Sensitive Images for Bereaved Parents)
Triggers can be anything that make you think about your loss, struggle and grief. I have had all kinds of triggers since Zachary died and I can guess that many others have experienced these as well: The expiration date on food. The sound of your baby’s name. The hospital. The route to the hospital. Anniversaries. Babies in general. While triggers can cause our emotions to flare, I try to think about my child in those moments. In that way, triggers can be a lovely opportunity for remembrance. The challenge is when these triggers startle us so badly that we cannot cope in the moment. In those cases, the best plan is to remove ourselves from those situations and find a safe place to sit and take a few long, calming breaths. I had an over-the-top trigger experience...
Read MoreBaby Steps Memorial Walk 2014 – Photos and Speech
This past weekend was a special time for many families as they gathered to celebrate the little babies they miss and love so much. The event was the 2014 Baby Steps Baby Loss Memorial Walk. I was honoured to be a part of it. Here are some of the highlights of the Walk in photographs – and also a video of my speech. There were lots of little kids present so the video is quite noisy, but I’m glad all those little munchkins were there! Just a little reminder, coming up next week is the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day celebrated on October 15 every year. I have been partnering with Canadian magazine Today’s Parent to discuss loss and on the 15th we will be opening up this discussion. Today’s Parent will be launching some interesting articles and features....
Read MoreWhy I am Passionate about Breaking the Taboo around Loss
Right now I am in Amsterdam presenting at The 2014 International Conference on Stillbirth, SIDS and Baby Survival. My topic: Healing through the Creative Arts. I feel wildly shy presenting to international medical professionals, but I hope my workshop will be a spark of insight for the professional practice of these individuals that interact with heart wrenching loss of young lives on a daily basis. I will be discussing ways that both visual and literary arts can help a bereaved person heal after tragedy. I was asked the other day if it is challenging to speak at conferences and constantly retell Zachary’s story. Yes and no. Yes, it is wearying some days to always put myself back in a vulnerable place of pain. At the same time, I love talking about my baby that...
Read MoreTalking to Kids about Death
When Zachary died, Hannah was eleven months old. She came to the hospital after her younger brother died in my arms. She was very curious and touched Zachary’s head. She was all smiles despite the sniffles and tears in the room. She didn’t understand what had happened then, but she does now – I think. I have had many discussions with Hannah about where her first little brother went. She calls him Zachy. While I sometimes stretch the truth with Hannah, telling her things like she will go to kid jail if she is mean, I somehow felt compelled to tell her the truth about Zachary. I told her that Zachary died. I told her that Mommy and Daddy were very sad – although she must have sensed this. I tried very hard to be happy for her, but she would rest her hand on my...
Read MoreAutumn Baby Loss Memorial Events
Why attend a memorial event? You can remember and celebrate your child. You can be vulnerable and open with your emotions in a non-judgemental environment. You can find community in the presence of others who have also lost a child. You can create mementos and keepsakes. You can find support and resources to help you along the journey of grief. For a list of baby walks and events, please visit the Resources page. Here are a few updates of memorial events for my home city of Edmonton: Walk to Remember, Edmonton This event is not happening in 2014. It is unclear from the website if this is a one-year hiatus or if the event has concluded permanently. Baby Steps Memorial Walk Also, find Baby Steps on Facebook. Date: Saturday, October 4, 2014 Time: 2pm Click...
Read MoreA Miscarriage and Baby Loss Campaign by Today’s Parent Magazine
I was in Toronto this week to be interviewed by the lovely ladies at Today’s Parent Magazine. They are releasing a hugely important campaign to support those who have experienced the death of a child. I commend Today’s Parent for tackling this challenging and taboo subject – and also for giving me the opportunity to share Zachary’s story. I am passionate about dispelling the silence and loneliness around this type of loss with the goal of connecting people, both men and women, in a caring and compassionate community. As I often do when I retell my family’s story, I cried and smeared my make-up during the interview. I still get choked up every now and then, even after almost four years, but I’m okay with my emotions these days. I accept them as a beautiful part of...
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