Sharing our Children’s Birth Stories
I read an interesting post called “Family Storytelling” on the blog for the Centre for Family Literacy. The post was by Jonna Grad and encouraged parents to tell their children the story of their birth. The idea is to build strong bonds and encourage language development through oral storytelling. I remember my mom telling me the story of my birth when I was young. We would cuddle up before I went to sleep and she would describe the wintery night when she went into labor with me and how her and my dad rushed to the hospital. These are precious memories. After reading “Family Storytelling” I asked my 3 year old daughter Hannah if she wanted to hear the story of when she was born. She eagerly nodded with much curiosity. After telling her the story multiple times,...
Read MoreKids ‘Get’ Baby Loss; The Compassion of One Young Boy
A month ago I wrote, “We Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death,” and this is a follow up post to that. It was a few months ago, at Roots of Empathy, that I told the students in the grade two class about the death of my second child Zachary. At the time I guessed many of them could not comprehend my words as they sat watching my third child, Eden, play with toys on the blanket in front of us. How could a baby die, right? Actually, I was very wrong. Then, at my most recent visit to the school, one seven year old boy spoke up and touched my heart. As a class we were discussing Eden’s eating habits and out of the blue this student said to me: “I’m sad that Zachary died.” “Me too,” I said. “I wish he hadn’t died so that you could be happy.” “Thank you,” is all I...
Read MoreSurviving Easter After the Death of Your Baby (Plus a slight digression)
After Zachary died, I had well meaning Christian friends tell me, “Lean on God. He understands the death of a child. His son died too.” At the time I thought, okay, that’s an interesting point – but then Easter pops up every calendar year. It is a time of pastel pinks, yellows and blues, joyful children racing around on the hunt for chocolate bunnies and hidden treasures in a holiday geared for families. At least that’s the general picture of Easter in my mind but for many it is also a time to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection from the dead. I know this is not a helpful rabbit trail to go down, but I’m jealous that God got his son back. After Zachary’s diagnosis I prayed and prayed; my husband fasted. We read the Bible and were hopeful that our son would live....
Read MoreLove is the True Healer
After writing about the cliché that says ‘time heals all wounds,’ I concluded that time is not our healer but our helper. Thus, my search continued to answer the question: Want can heal a broken heart? The answer is simple. It’s LOVE. No matter the type of loss, everything hinges on love. Many couples who have lost a child believe having another baby will heal them – but what is actually healing is LOVE. Having another baby is healing because it brings a tremendous amount of love into our lives in a very visceral and tangible way. Yet, if having a baby was the only way to heal after the loss of a child, what then for those who cannot have more children? Are they sentenced to a life without resolution to their pain? Of course not. Finding healing is not...
Read MoreWe Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death
Since the fall, I have participated in a program called Roots of Empathy. In “Roots” I bring my son Eden to a grade two class every month of the school year and the children observe Eden grow and learn. I often talk about Eden’s older sister and our family. Since the beginning of Roots I wondered if I should tell the kids about Zachary. I hummed and hawed over this decision every month and I eventually asked the program teacher if it was appropriate, or possibly too upsetting for the young children. She said, “If you are comfortable, go for it!” When an opportunity arose, I did talk about Zachary to my Root’s kids and their reaction was touching and profoundly instructive for adults on how to address death. Unlike many adults I’ve interacted with, the kids did...
Read MoreChristmas Expectations
Christmas is “the best time of the year” as the song goes; a time filled with family and togetherness. But what if one member of the family is missing and the feeling of togetherness is tainted with loss? What if that missing person is your child? This is my scenario and likely yours if you are reading this blog. You may be thinking, ‘My child has died and yet everyone expects me to be merry. Yah right!’ Or maybe you hope that the spirit of the season will carry you away as you have great expectations for a holiday full of joy. I realized something this week as I pondered these things: Christmas is not perfect. Even without factoring in the loss of a child, Christmas is not the flawless “best time of the year” we tend to expect....
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