Bereaved Parents are Survivors & Have a Story to Share
This past weekend I shared my story and offered encouragement to bereaved parents on their journey of loss. I was the keynote speaker at the first ever Baby Steps Memorial Walk. It was a beautiful event, uplifting and thoughtful. I always appreciate the opportunity to reflect on my son Zachary whom I miss so much. You can watch the video of my speech or read it below, along with some photographs of the Baby Steps event. BABY STEPS MEMORIAL WALK SPEECH COPYRIGHT ALEXIS MARIE CHUTE Hello, my name is Alexis Marie Chute and I am honored to be here for the very first Baby Steps Memorial Walk. I have three children; Hannah and Eden are here with me today. My second child, Zachary, was born at 30 weeks gestation with a rare genetic condition and a tumor around his...
Read MoreCelebrating Life and Giving Thanks {Guest Post}
Today I share with you a guest blog post from a woman who I ‘met’ online but now call a friend. Steffany Duke writes a blog called Spit and Sparkles, The Adventures of Raising Boy/Girl Twins. I shared Zachary’s story with her readers on July 16 and now am honored to encourage my readers this week with Steffany’s journey of strength and love. We all face different challenges but I believe we can rally our courage amongst us; we are stronger together. Thank you, Steffany, for your inspiring outlook. I’m Steffany, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share my story on Wanted, Chosen, Planned Blog. Eight years ago on June 22, 2005, I was undergoing surgery to remove an ovarian tumor — a surgery that I wasn’t sure I would walk away from and still...
Read MoreA Belated Father’s Day Wish
I couldn’t post on Father’s Day. I wanted to but found myself stumped. It’s tough to write about male grief when it is so different from my own experience. I have given up trying to understand my husband’s response to our son’s death. It may never click with me – and that’s okay. Men and women grieve so differently on top of the fact that every individual person will have a different experience and need support in a way that is unique to them. What I do know for sure is that marriage is difficult after the loss of a child. For some, it brings them closer, for others it tears them apart. Recently I met an older woman who has also lost a child. (Sometimes I feel like I am a magnet for people like me, but then I realize that there are simply are a lot of us. A sad...
Read MoreHeartbreak Exhibition and Zachary’s Photo
When I heard the news that Zachary would not live, I was lost at how to process the information. As an artist I began to document the life of my family in the time leading up to Zachary’s birth, death and the months that followed. This was my way of coping, recording, sorting and searching for meaning in a time so devoid of answers. I chose to use a Holga camera to photograph that time in my life. The Holga is faulty and let’s light seep in through its cheap plastic frame. It is designed to be a toy camera that yields unexpected results. I combined the Holga with a batch of expired medium format film I had owned for almost ten years. This film traveled to New Zealand with me where my Mamiya medium format camera took its very last picture. Then the film moved back...
Read MoreHappy Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day is complicated when your child has died, especially if you have no other living children. After the loss of my precious Zachary I thought, “Who am I?” as the following year elapsed without my consent and sadness festered. Other common feelings for those whose child has passed away include: What am I? Am I still a mother? I never had the opportunity to bring my baby home, feed him or her, change diapers, teach reading and bike riding or any of the other normal things mom’s get to do… So what does Mother’s Day mean for me? When hearing the question, “Am I a mother?” without hesitation I will tell you, “Yes!” From the moment you conceived and a love for your child blossomed in your heart, I believe you were and continue to be a mother. As you...
Read MoreOut of Sight but Not Out of Mind
I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind.” It makes me think of all the little household projects I want to do but haven’t gotten around to since the supplies are tucked neatly away. Whenever I open our laundry room cupboard I see the paint to touch up our scratched table and think, ‘Oh ya, I forgot about that!’ but once the door is closed once more I forget about the paint all over again. Out of sight, out of mind. This phrase bothers me when I think about Zachary. He is not with me, he is not physically in sight but that does not mean he is ever far from my mind. I think about my son every day. For me, my child is out of sight but not out of mind. One blessing of having other children is being able to look at them and see my son. Hannah...
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