Easter Reflections: Finding Faith, Losing Faith
It’s interesting how the loss of a child affects each individual so differently. From the way that people talk about their child and the loss, to how they grieve and respond to others, there is nothing cookie cutter about this experience. With Easter a week away, I’m thinking about colorful eggs, bunnies – and faith. I once met with a woman over coffee whose baby had died and in sharing her story with me she spoke of how the loss brought her closer to God. She was a Christian before her child passed away, and in the aftermath she found a great deal of comfort and grace in processing her grief through her faith. There are also people who find faith for the first time after traumatic experiences. Or to the opposite extreme, lose their faith entirely. For...
Read MoreThawing of the Bereaved Soul
There is a magic that comes with the spring thaw. The snow starts to melt and little buds appear on the trees. Maybe you are like me and feel an internal blossoming as well. Spring makes me feel alive. The warmth opens my heart. Zachary died in October 2010. Following his death my city of Edmonton went into its typical cold winter and my soul along with it. I spent that season distracting myself from my grief and disguising my sorrow with the busyness of life. My heart was frozen; cold and barren like the landscape. Another time my internal world mirrored the external was when I was expecting following my loss. In my pregnancy with Eden I ripened to full term along with the colors of spring. Eden was born at the end of June 2012. With Eden’s arrival my heart...
Read MoreBaby Loss Quotes
Sometimes along the journey of loss we need a little help. Okay, that’s not totally true. Yes, help sometimes but also often, daily, minute by minute support… When no one is there to encourage you directly, here are some quotes that may help. “Out of these ashes, beauty will rise.” – Steven Curtis Chapman “It’s a happy life, but someone is missing. It’s a happy life, and someone is missing.” – Elizabeth McCracken, An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination “If I had lost a leg, I would tell them, instead of a boy, no one would ever ask me if I was ‘over’ it. They would ask me how I was doing learning to walk without my leg. I was learning to walk and to breath and to live without Wade. And what I was learning is that it was never going...
Read More“The New Normal: A Mother’s Story about Love and Loss” – Flurt Magazine
I write a monthly column for Flurt Magazine and in the spring 2014 issue I published an article called, “THE NEW NORMAL: A Mother’s Story about Love and Loss.” This is my story about losing Zachary and how his life transformed every part of my ‘normal’ existence into something altogether different. I also talk about coming to terms with the title ‘new normal’ and how Zachary gave me the greatest gift: a passion to care for and encourage others who have also experienced loss. I truly believe this journey we are all on can seem unbearable at times but in the end we are stronger together. If you would like to read my full article, you can purchase your copy on Flurt...
Read MoreTiny Hands
There is music in every person. Sometimes it’s a love song, sometimes it’s a lament. Sometimes I don’t know the words to the melody of my heart’s song which aches for my son, but it’s always there, beating away in my chest. I am so blessed to have a thoughtful and musically talented friend. Candace is in a band with her twin sister Karli; they call themselves Drowning Ophelia. Candace and Karli played in the gallery during my latest exhibition in an evening of art and music. It was in the second set they played: Candace was standing in front of a portrait of my husband which symbolized his grief after our loss. Then Candace surprised me. She told me and the crowd that she wrote a song for my family, a song for Zachary. Her lyrics moved me deeply and put words to...
Read MoreFamily Planning After the Death of a Child
“You’ll know when you’re done.” That’s what people often say when I tell them I’m not sure if I’m finished having children. I used to be more decisive with the number of kids I wanted to have. I once wanted six. Oh boy, right? Then it was three to four. After Zachary died I was sure I wanted four living children. Now that I am thoroughly enjoying my career, and free hands as Eden is a year-and-a-half old, I wonder if two living children is enough. While my numbers fluxed over the years, in those moments I was always confident. That’s not the case these days. The trouble with family planning is that there is no magic eight ball to shake and give you the perfect answer. I find the more I talk it out with girlfriends, the more uncertain I am one way or the other....
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