Grieving {Guest Post}
I met Bobbi Junior at a social network marketing class I taught at Harcourt house for artists and writers in the fall of 2013. When I shared Wanted Chosen Planned as an example of my blogging efforts, Bobbi realized that she and I had something in common; early infant loss. I was intrigued to hear Bobbi’s perspective on the death of her child since she has many more years experience on this journey than me. Thank you, Bobbi, for this blog post. I’m sure it will encourage many. Her gravestone reads, “Wendy Lorraine Junior. Budded on earth to bloom in heaven. April 23 – 25, 1985” My husband, Rick, picked the phrase from a page of quotes provided by the funeral home. I had tried to choose, but none felt worthy of our baby girl. She was being buried in a...
Read MoreHome Burial by Robert Frost
When I picked up a stack of reading for my MFA graduate student residency I had no idea that one little poem could touch me so vividly. Home Burial, by Robert Frost. I read the poem for a class on dialogue in literature. Home Burial was an example of dialogue used cleverly within poetry. Once I started reading I realized that the action of the poem is the argument between a married couple. Their baby had died. The husband buried the child in a plot on what I imagine to be their family farm. The couple are grieving very differently, they are hostile towards each other, and they sometimes seem like strangers. Marriage after the loss of a baby can be strained. The tragedy can bind two hearts together or tear them apart. What I learned in class is that Robert Frost...
Read MoreNew Year’s Resolutions for the New Normal
Resolutions are tough. We envision the perfect version of ourselves and set goals of how to morph into that person. While others resolve never to make a New Year’s resolution because they know that they will most definitely break it. I happen to like resolutions. Goals fuel me. Having a purpose becomes a motivating factor for me in moving forward with my life. Some of the things I have learned about this ‘new normal,’ this life after the death of a child, in terms of making New Year’s resolutions include: Life is unpredictable and no matter our plans, we may head in an unanticipated direction. Being adaptable, flexible, and open are character traits that will serve us well. It is still better to hope and believe and make plans knowing that they may get changed or...
Read MoreWeights and Measures – The Impact of our Unseen Children
This is a speech I wrote for the Parent Care Candlelight Service on December 19. The chapel was full and I barely made it through my reflections as the love and longing for unseen children was so palpable. We are still in the midst of the holiday season with New Years on the way. I hope my words may continue to be an encouragement. Love always. The holidays are a time for togetherness, board games, gifts, and food. It is also a time for reflection. Since I am cooking my very first Christmas dinner this year, I started to reflect on food. I now have a folder full of recipes ready for the meal-of-the-year but my palms begin to sweat as I remember all the truly terrible meals I have made over the years. When the...
Read MoreRemembering your Baby over the Holidays
Christmas is one of the best times of the year – but it can also be very difficult for many people. For some the struggles are financial and practical while for others the feeling of being alone becomes tangible. If you have lost a baby, the ache for your child and the life they did not live may be forefront in your thoughts as you see other children sit on Santa’s lap at the mall or hear Christmas carols that remind you of your own childhood and all the dreams you had. At this time of year I am always reminded that Zachary was supposed to be a Christmas baby. My original due date was December 20th. How can we remember our precious children at Christmas time? Here are some ideas I am trying: Craft. I’m sewing a stocking for each of my children, Zachary...
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