The Mourning Grandparent
Not long ago I received an emotional yet illuminating email from a grandmother in mourning. She read my blog and felt compelled to get in touch. This woman shared the story of how her son and daughter-in-law came to discover complications with their unborn child and that the baby was eventually stillborn. “This baby was to be my first grandchild,” the woman wrote. The email brought me to tears as I reflected upon not only the sadness of this woman but also on what my own parents may be feeling. Kindly, this woman agreed that I could share one of her thoughts with you today. She wrote about the loss of a child: “People don’t always realize that the loss is also traumatic for the potential grandparents – we deal not only with the loss of the baby,...
Read MoreAmazing Inspiration for Amazing Race Canada
The Edmonton Journal featured my husband Aaron and I and our children in an article called, “Edmonton-area Teams Vie for Spot on Amazing Race,” published on March 2, 2013 by Elizabeth Withey. That’s right, we have officially applied to run the race of a life time – and do it all for one very special little man. While the applicants’ reasons for racing vary, Aaron and I applied for Amazing Race Canada to run for our sweet Zachary. After losing a child, mourning takes place not only for the precious child but also the future imagined for them; a future full of experiences, relationships and meaning. When Aaron and I heard about Amazing Race Canada, we thought, ‘What a great way for us to have a huge adventure and do things that Zachary will never...
Read MoreLove is the True Healer
After writing about the cliché that says ‘time heals all wounds,’ I concluded that time is not our healer but our helper. Thus, my search continued to answer the question: Want can heal a broken heart? The answer is simple. It’s LOVE. No matter the type of loss, everything hinges on love. Many couples who have lost a child believe having another baby will heal them – but what is actually healing is LOVE. Having another baby is healing because it brings a tremendous amount of love into our lives in a very visceral and tangible way. Yet, if having a baby was the only way to heal after the loss of a child, what then for those who cannot have more children? Are they sentenced to a life without resolution to their pain? Of course not. Finding healing is...
Read MoreWe Can Learn from Children’s Response to Death
Since the fall, I have participated in a program called Roots of Empathy. In “Roots” I bring my son Eden to a grade two class every month of the school year and the children observe Eden grow and learn. I often talk about Eden’s older sister and our family. Since the beginning of Roots I wondered if I should tell the kids about Zachary. I hummed and hawed over this decision every month and I eventually asked the program teacher if it was appropriate, or possibly too upsetting for the young children. She said, “If you are comfortable, go for it!” When an opportunity arose, I did talk about Zachary to my Root’s kids and their reaction was touching and profoundly instructive for adults on how to address death. Unlike many adults I’ve interacted with,...
Read MoreAbundantly Thankful
Yesterday morning got off on the wrong foot; everything seemed to be off. I have become a big believer in positivity and the idea that our feelings or mood will attract more of the same into our lives. With that in mind, I began trying to change my outlook on the day. One of my friends recently lost her grandfather and asked me if I could photograph his Celebration of Life. The first reaction in my heart was: ‘Absolutely! Anything I can do to help!’ – But since losing Zachary, I have had a much more complicated response to funerals and death. I began to worry that photographing the memorial may be too emotional as already I was crying for my friend’s loss and lamenting how short life is (even when it stretches 70 years and beyond). I nervously shared...
Read MoreDoes Time Heal all Wounds?
After Zachary died, many people quoted the cliché saying, “Time heals all wounds.” Not only did this ignite my anger but it also motivated me to prove them all wrong. ; “Time doesn’t heal anything,” I said to myself, “I will always be heartbroken for my child.” ; ; 2 years, 2 months, 26 days, 12 hours, 39 minutes and 10 (or so) seconds have passed since my son died in my arms. Has time healed me? Or was I right that the saying, “Time heals,” is a big crock? ; What I discovered is that neither extreme is correct. From my experience over the last two years I have learned that the nature of Time is gentle; not black and white, not the scenario that one moment you mourn and the next thing you know, time passes...
Read MoreAlexis Marie Chute
